MEDIATION MUSINGS 

Sara Barnes, Executive Director

Mediation Musings: June Freedom

Honeysuckle scent, sleeping late, warm days with no schedule, corn on the cob, fireflies. These describe my childhood memories of June freedom. I grew up in the Northeast of the United States, where the summer season was eagerly awaited throughout the cold and dank months. June freedom meant our lives were free and easy. 

Juneteenth and Pride

Today, June Freedom encompasses two June celebrations. One person I asked said this: “Pride is all about June Freedom. Freedom to be who you truly are and love who you truly love.” Another replied that June Freedom means “Juneteenth, the day the Emancipation Proclamation came to Galveston, Texas, and the enslaved learned that they were free. That’s June Freedom.”

I can’t help but start humming Jon Batiste’s song Freedom:

When I move my body just like this

I don’t know why but I feel like freedom (yeah)

I hear a song that takes me back (I know)

And I let go with so much freedom (hey)

Free to live (how I wanna live)

I’ma get (where I’m gonna get)

’Cause it’s my freedom . . .

Conflict Resolution and Freedom

One of my favorite thinkers about conflict resolution, Tammy Lenski, has written about freedom and conflict. She has chronicled her experience with college students arriving to her course on the first day. Tammy recounts this conversation:

“What do you most want when you’re stuck in conflict?”

Finally, all the jargon falls away and meaningful goals emerge:

“To be proud of how I’m behaving.”

“To keep my wits about me.”

“Not to be taken advantage of.”

“To know how to get unstuck.”

“Not to cause damage.”

“To walk away with peace of mind.”

“To be able to move on.”

“To be free of it . . . ”

Here at the mediation program, we see many clients who have similar reactions. At the end of a mediation, after a positive outcome, the expression of relief and pride on a client’s face is a form of freedom. Conflict weighs on everyone causing stress, fear, and shutdown. It’s nice to be free of it, as the student says above. Participants leave our courses with conflict resolution toolboxes, “I’m going to use this in my daily life. Thanks.” 

Although we don’t often put it in these exact terms, in mediation we as mediators are often monitoring degrees of each participant’s freedom. We look for power imbalances, past traumas, indications of self-censorship, and behavior that diminishes either participant. Our goal is to create, at least for a short few moments, a relatively equal playing field, where mediation participants can speak openly and candidly about their perspectives. 

Summer Freedom

Back in the summer days of my youth, in Western New York, it is dusk. We have come up with a great idea. We should catch the fireflies that are lighting up the night like stars that fell to earth. We run around, bumping into each other, trying hard to put a firefly into a jar. Finally, we do manage to catch one. Our own living flashlight. 

The firefly bangs against the glass walls of the jar and the light dims. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea. Simultaneously we say— “Let it free.” My friend grabs the lid, opens it. We are waiting for the firefly to take off. Then the jar is empty. The firefly’s freedom is in question. We look around for its light and can’t be sure. There are some dancing fireflies in front of us, but it’s hard in the dark of the evening to figure out if the firefly we captured is anywhere. Our young minds grapple with the situation. Did it live? Do we see it still? Maybe it is right there shining brightly. Maybe not.  

Longer version of Mediator Musings with mention of the Supreme Court,

Flags and the pandemic. Read it here.

LEARN ABOUT ALL THE SERVICES WE PROVIDE

• Youth Mediation
• Family and Divorce Mediation Program––PMP
• Housing Mediation
• Civil Court / Small Claims
• Re-Entry Program
• Workplace Conflict Mediation and Management
• Facilitation Services
• Agricultural Mediation
• Conflict Coaching
• Financial Conflict Coaching
• Elderly and Aging Mediation
• Classes, Workshops, Seminars, and Training Programs

Check out our WEBSITE for details.

Community Programs

info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

Housing Program

admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

BOARD OF DIRECTORS CORNER

We held our annual meeting on June 13th at Slough Farm, with catering by Deon’s Kitchen. A nice crowd discussed our accomplishments and approved the new Board of Directors members. We said goodbye to Board members Toni Kauffman and Jenn Adamson––Toni will continue on the Community Advisory Board––and we said hello to new Board member David Ross. The group unanimously approved the Nominating Committee recommendations and welcomed our new Board President, Rachel BenDavid, and new Board Secretary, Pricila Vilaca. We offered thanks to Roland Miller and Christina Simmons, who held these roles for years. Roland will stay on the Executive Committee. A high point was meeting our new Assistant Director, Kerri Sorenson, who begins at MV Mediation in July. Kerri stated she was honored to be part of the organization and appreciated the warm welcome. “I’m taking it all in!”

FEATURED SERVICE: Construction Conflict Mediation

Avoid Costly Disputes: Homeowners and Construction Professionals

Eric Turner, Community Advisory and Board Member, and Roland Miller, President of MV Mediation

Homeowner: “I could not believe the final bill. The contractor overcharged me!”

Construction Professional: “The clients changed their mind and asked me to order more expensive fixtures. Then they didn’t want to pay the increased invoice.”

Homeowner: “It was not a quality job. Why should I pay for mediocre work?”

Construction Professional: “Most of my costs have increased significantly, so the price goes up. Clients often don’t understand that.”

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? We have handled many similar disputes during our 40 years. Many contractors and clients develop positive working relationships—clients are happy with the work and pay their bills without question. But over the decades we have learned that there are times when the relationship goes sour.

Our organization has a very high success rate in helping participants come to a self-determined outcome that they can live with. Mediation works. This article is not about our mediation work, however. Our purpose here is to offer tips based on the types of disputes we see as mediators, so that you can avoid difficult conflicts that require our services or the help of legal professionals.

Plan and Document

Clarify expectations up front and negotiate the work before the job starts. Develop clear written agreements. Even for a small job with a handshake agreement, send the other party a note outlining the price and scope of the work. Define how change orders will be initiated and approved. Documentation is key, so keep job notes, pictures, summaries of meetings, etc.

Stay in Touch

Communicate early and often. Clients should inform contractors of any workmanship concerns, owner-caused delays, and changes in specifications and ask about the cost of these changes. Contractors should provide progress reports, report unanticipated delays and supply shortages, and note potential change orders and their costs.

Island Awareness

Construction on Martha’s Vineyard differs from that in other locations. Materials cost more and there may be delays. Work crews may come from off island and their day may be shorter than that of a local tradesperson. Seasonality issues mean that many companies are managing similar demands from many customers during a short window to accommodate clients’ desire to be here during the summer months.

Send Bills Promptly/Pay Bills Promptly

Contractors are urged to send bills as soon as possible, and clients should pay bills promptly. Address conflicts and misunderstandings as soon as they arise. If parties wait until emotions are high and positions harden, it increases the challenge of negotiating a settlement. 

Kindness Counts

On an island with year-round and seasonal residents, tension is common. Islanders are not on vacation. Seasonal visitors/residents may have been waiting all year to arrive and relax. Add in a big dose of kindness, and there’s a good chance you can resolve any matter.

Disputes between construction professionals and homeowner clients are inevitable. As mediators, our advice is to keep in touch with each other even though it may be uncomfortable, and share your concerns and proposals for resolution. These disputes, if not addressed promptly, can be costly and time-consuming, and can have a negative impact on reputations. On a small island, reputation is a big deal. 

Longer version here

UPCOMING COURSES

People who take our courses say that their professional and personal lives improve. We offer a variety of themes designed to help you understand how conflict can be better managed in your personal life, workplace, and community. Registration is open for our Fall lineup of courses. Click here for a complete at-a-glance schedule.

Summer Introduction to Mediation Course (act fast if interested)

We have had a number of inquiries from folks who would like to use the summer months to become trained or re-trained as a mediator. The course will be on Zoom with an option of attending from our offices in Vineyard Haven. Here are dates and times: Wednesday to Friday 10am–1pm on July 12, 13, 14, 19, 20, 21, and August 9, 10, 11. There will also be five role plays to be scheduled in July, August, or September based on your schedule. If you are interested in this summer option to become qualified as a mediator, register here.

Introduction to Conflict Coaching

20 hours, 8 sessions

September through October, Tuesdays and Fridays 10am–12pm

Learn coaching techniques to guide individuals toward new approaches to managing conflict in everyday life. This course is a useful prep for Intro to Mediation. For more information, click here.

Conflict Resolution Essentials

15 hours, 10 sessions

September through November, Thursdays 4–5:30pm

Learn conflict analysis, review cultural messages about conflict and gain strategies for use in daily life. Learn to be a conflict resolver in your workplace, home or community. For more information, click here.

Introduction to Mediation--Basics and Advanced MA Qualification

40 hours, 12 sessions (total for both segments)

October through December, Tuesdays 10am–12:30pm

The first segment is a six-session interactive course where participants learn the principles,

process, and theory of facilitative mediation in a hands-on process. In the second segment, participants who wish to continue toward MA qualification will review mediation complexity and dilemmas, diversity, impasse, and ethical topics. For more information, click here.

Workplace Cohort Conflict Management

15 hours, 10 sessions

Mid October through December 2023, Wednesdays 9–10:30am

Improve approaches to workplace conflict with a confidential cohort of managers and supervisors. Using text, discussion, and case studies, this course is interactive. For more information, click here.

Negotiation Clinic

Advanced training for experienced Mediators. Bi-Monthly Mediation Clinic focusing on practice issues when mediators are managing participants' negotiation. If interested send an email to info@mvmediation.org.

“MV Mediation has great courses! You should learn with them. Great people, and I had fun.”   ––One of our participants, after taking two courses

EVENTS

• June 8th–– 9–10:30pm: "The Magic of Mediation: How to Find, Feed & Foment It" with Kenneth Cloke
• June 8^th –– 2pm: "Diversity in Funding: How to Build Stronger Funding Streams at Your Community Mediation Center"
• June 8th –– 6pm: MV Mediation Parent Information Session re Youth Mediation Program. Can't attend? Learn About Our Program Here!
• June 13th –– 3:30–7pm: MV Mediation Hybrid Annual Meeting at Slough Farm. RSVP to let us know if you will attend by Zoom or in person
• June 26––Don't Believe Everything You Think––Book presentation from Harvard PON here
• June 28th –– 3–5pm Community Boards presents "Exploring Reconciliation & Healing in Mediation"
• July 21 9-10:30 am International Professional Practice Reflection group in collaboration with Juris Mediation. Join to reflect on a mediator's professional practice dilemma. Send email to participate to info@mvmediation.org. Beginning in September this group will meet monthly for experienced mediators
• July 22nd –– 12-8pm Truth and Joy Event: MV Diversity Coalition offers Islanders and visitors an opportunity to learn about island racial history and celebrate our rich, diverse cultures with art, music, food, and poetry. Free.
• September 20th––12–1pm: “Addressing Bias and Stereotypes in Mediation,” led by Audrey Lee
• October 25–27th, 2023––Academy of Professional Family Mediators Conference. This year’s theme is “Mediating in an Increasingly Diverse World,” and the conference will be offered 100% online. 

This month’s links for your reading and viewing pleasure:

• Ways to Stop Avoiding Conflict
• College Students: Tips for Navigating Your Summer Return to Home
• Tips for Parents of Returning College Students
• Conversation for the Summer Before Your Child Goes Off to College
• Dealing with Conflicts Among Visiting Family Members
• The Benefits of Mediation for Employers: A Case Study
• Confronting Conflicts in the Remote Workspace
• Handling Seasonal and Non-Seasonal Workers Who Don't Get Along
• Preparing for Negotiation
• Dealing with an Abrasive Mediator

MEDIATORS’ CHECK-IN

Wednesdays at 4pm––all are welcome to join.

• June 7 –– Using the Harvard Implicit bias test site
• June 14 –– Bias series: How to become aware and address your own biases
• June 21–– Screening for abuse and domestic/partner violence with Pricila Vilaca
• June 28 –– Bias series: Generational biases
• July 5 –– Bias series: Neurotypical biases
• July 12 ––The Clark research: Black doll/White doll revisited––with DEIJ +B Consultant Agnes Kittoe-Affum
• July 19 –– Bias series: Microaggressions revisited
• July 26 –– Bias series: Assumptions and biases

No Mediator Check-ins in August. We are back on September 6th.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

Why I Mediate

"I love helping people, first to navigate through life’s decisions especially at difficult times; second, I enjoy seeing people find their own voice so as to be able to articulate their asks and needs in life’s situation. Mediation is a wonderful vehicle to accomplish this."

––Dr. Leo D. Christian, apprentice mediator

DEIJ+B: DIVERSITY, EQUITY, INCLUSION, JUSTICE + BELONGING

Here are a few articles to expand your DEI knowledge:

Pride Month:

• How to be an Ally
• Reflections on Being a Gay Mediator
• Toolbox for Mediating with LGBTQIA Litigants
• Lavender Graduations
• Activities on MV

Juneteenth:

• NYT Article:What is Juneteenth?
• Video Brief
• Henry Louis Gates Video
• Activities on MV
• Juneteenth Celebrations over Time in Pictures

Other DEI Resources:

• The Future of DEI
• Examining Systemic Racism
• Inclusive Listening Skills
• 10 Best Books for Equity and Inclusion in the Workplace

AGRICULTURAL MEDIATION

Martha’s Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/aquacultural businesses, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. We work with farms in Dukes, Barnstable, Bristol, and Plymouth Counties. Our brochure is here; please pass it on to those who may need these services.

FAMILY MEDIATION PROGRAM

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE FAMÍLIA E DIVÓRCIO

Divórcio, Disputas em Familia e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia física e legal, planejamento para os cuidados do menor, visitação de menores, revisão do suporte financeiro e plano de visitação, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

HOUSING MEDIATION PROGRAM

Conflict with a Tenant or Landlord?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes and Bristol Counties and information about RAFT––rental financial assistance for back rent or moving out. Take a look at this article from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reporting about erroneous information about tenants being used and affecting homelessness and evictions.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE MORADIA

Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?

Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes e Bristol, e informações sobre o RAFT- programa de assistência financeira.

admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to incarcerated individuals (pre-release) and recently released individuals (post-release). For more information, check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

IN-COURT AND COURT-REFERRED MEDIATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides free mediation services for eviction cases in Bristol and Dukes Counties. We are present at District Courts in Attleboro, Fall River, Taunton, and Edgartown for summary process cases. MVMP offers free services for civil cases and small claims in advance of the court date. We are also qualified to provide in-court and court-referred services for Dukes County District, Superior, Probate, and Family Courts. We provide mediation for pre-criminal and 286 E harassment cases. Our Juvenile court mediators help with cases referred from the Juvenile Court. MV Mediation waives fees for cases referred by court or with an active docket number. 

WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering.

FACILITATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read this article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.”

 ––A recent facilitation client

CONFLICT COACHING SERVICES

It can help you. Not therapy. Not advice. 

So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and a coach working collaboratively to develop a new approach to conflict. It usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. Make your appointment today!

SOCIAL MEDIA

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. This month we focus on stress awareness and its connection to unresolved conflicts. As always, don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in our daily lives. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops, and courses.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

THANK YOU, DONORS!

Thanks to all our donors who participated in MV Mediation’s Annual Appeal. We will make use of your contributions wisely. We really appreciate your generosity.

It’s never too late to donate!

DONATE HERE

Our Mission

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an island of competent, capable, and

effective conflict resolvers.

Thank you for our donors and sponsors for your continued support!

MV Regional Schools

MV Charter Schools

Healthy Aging Martha's Vineyard

Mediate.com

At MVMP our slogan is We Can Work It Out. Would you like to borrow this slogan?

Feel free. You Can Work It Out! We are here if you need our help.

MV Mediation Program mvmediation.org

508 693-2999 Community & Court

508 693-2199 Housing