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July 2023
ERICSHOUSE
July Newsletter
Dear EricsHouse Community,

Welcome to July 2023! Last month we highlighted the white rose. This month we are shining a spotlight on the dandelion. Dandelions are often dismissed as weeds but in fact bloom through some of the most harsh conditions. The beautiful flowers serve as symbols of rebirth, resilience, longing, hope, strength, and transformation. In many ways, the dandelion can be used as a metaphor for living alongside grief.

-EricsHouse
Connect With Us:
A Letter from our Founder-
Marianne Gouveia
Spirituality and Grief

Hello Friends. Happy 4th of July. In this article, I wanted to share my personal thoughts about spirituality and grief.  

I was raised Catholic. For many years I did not practice Catholicism because I wanted to explore other theologies and ideas, but when Eric died, I was glad that I had some foundation on which to lean. I landed in a community of Franciscans where I was held in such love, and given such hope, I am not sure that I would have survived without the support of a very special priest, Father Peter.  

I began to love the Franciscan order – they made me laugh, they let me cry, and they led me toward healing that I may not have achieved if I had to start over again to find my spiritual footing. And I love the work they do all over the world to help others. I love their charism, and their spiritual gift: charity, selflessness, kindness, humility, asceticism, and a love of all creation. The Franciscan motto is pax et bonum, which means
“peace and all good.”

Since everyone has a different belief structure, what exactly is spirituality? 
Here are some thoughts:

  • Is it achieving inner peace in your soul through the connection to your higher power? After a significant loss, we often look toward our higher power – what that may be for you – to find answers to existential questions about living and dying.

  • Is it finding your purpose and giving meaning to life through that purpose? We may need to rethink our life’s purpose as our worldview changes after loss.

  • Is it a lifestyle, or something you practice out of obligation or fear? We all know someone who seems confined by the rules of a specific church such that they totally miss the point of spirituality.

  • Is it a connection to nature? Nature is already infused with spirit and I often find great healing and new insights when I am off by myself on a hike in the woods. 

  • Is it a journey to a spiritual awakening that includes practices for meditation, yoga, and treating your body with love and care?

  • If you follow quantum physics, is that our consciousness moves to another universe at death, or that our collective consciousness creates our world?

Regardless of your thoughts about a higher power, whether you believe in a higher power or not, the beauty of being human is that we have free will and the ability to choose
what we believe.  

That brings me to the subject of inclusion – love for everyone regardless of their beliefs. If we practice tolerance and patience for each other, and if we move away from judging others for their beliefs, could it be that we could all find “peace and all good” in our lives? Rather than judging, we can learn to listen with an open heart and an open mind as we walk this journey of life – with all its ups and downs.  

In the U.S., let us count our blessings as we celebrate the anniversary of our independence and the brave men and women who won it and have protected it for all of us.

Peace and All Good,
Marianne Gouveia, Founder & Chairman
The Coin by Greg Eckerman
When we talk about learning to embrace the pain of our losses, I often fall back on the coin metaphor.

Love and the pain of loss are two sides of the same coin. Those things which open us most to the pains of grief are rooted most deeply in love. The objects which link us most powerfully to our loved ones are also most able to provoke the depths of our personal wilderness.

Of course, both sides of a coin are exactly the same size. None of us would ever willingly reduce the pain of our grief if it meant losing any of the love behind it.

And perhaps the most impactful part of the coin analogy: learning the survival skill of dosing. If we can hang on to the notion that our pain is a reflection of the depth of our love, perhaps we can learn to flip the coin when we’ve opened ourselves to our grief . . . deeply enough, for long enough . . . and dwell in the love behind it.

Learning to encounter pain in limited doses makes it more bearable. Dosing is all about learning when and how to flip the coin, and remembering how we flipped it
last time.

Matthew Burg, current co-facilitator of our Men’s Group and a member of several past EricsHouse groups, suggested to the Fall, 2022 Men’s Group that we could design our own coin. With the collaboration of the group, Matthew coordinated with a ‘Challenge Coin’ manufacturer to produce an EricsHouse coin. It’s taken a while, but the results are beautiful. 
Two inches in diameter, these coins are substantial and tactile. One side has the infinity heart, symbolizing eternal love. It includes the phrases: “The only way past the pain is through it” and “You are not alone”. The other side has a stylized representation of Melancholy, a sculpture created by Albert Gyorgy, and the phrase: “The Greater the Love, The Greater the Pain”.

Matthew has given us permission to use the EricsHouse coin as a fundraiser. Please let us know if you would like one for yourself or someone else on their own grief journey. We are asking for a $20 contribution for the coins. If you are interested in a coin please email Madison at madison@ericshouse.org.
FINDING YOUR WAY THROUGH THE WILDERNESS OF GRIEF -
The Ten Touchstones Groups
Spots are limited. For more information about all of the support groups, email madison@ericshouse.org
Transforming Your Grief Retreat
When: 6 pm Thursday, August 10 - Sunday, August 13 Noon
Where: Poco Diablo Resort in Sedona, AZ

Join EricsHouse and special guests for a 3-night, 2-full-day retreat full of revitalizing activities and connections in the beautiful red rocks of
majestic Sedona!

The retreat is designed to support:

  • Parents who lost a child to suicide or substance use
  • Individuals who lost their partner/spouse to suicide or substance use

The agenda includes a drum circle, group hikes, a night of readings, yoga, collage workshops, sound healing, and grief guidance activities.

$1235 single occupancy $1925 for double occupancy

For more information, email madison@ericshouse.org.
This group will focus on:

  • Exploring your core values
  • Unpacking your bags – exploring your strengths, talents,
  • and gifts
  • Discovering what makes your heart sing
  • Understanding your passion and calling
  • Understanding your capacity for self care
  • Exploring you lifestyle
  • Writing your new life story

FOR MORE INFORMATION, EMAIL madison@ericshouse.org
NEW GRIEF MOVEMENT PROGRAM FOR BEREAVED PARENTS
After losing her beloved daughter Jane to suicide in February 2022, EricsHouse program participant Rachael Carnes found support in Grief Yoga with Paul Denniston, and has since turned a little bit of her own pain into purpose by training with Paul to become a Certified Grief Movement guide, with a focus on supporting other parents bereaved by the loss of their precious children.

"I've been facilitating movement classes for all ages and abilities for 25+ years," Rachael says. "After losing our beloved Jane, I turned to trauma-informed movement practice to help guide me through the wilderness. Now I hope to help other parents develop some of the tools - breath, movement and sound - that have helped me to cope." 

Weekly classes are offered virtually, drop-in and by-donation, with all contributions benefitting Jane's favorite charity.
Ho’oponopono Prayer
-Reflection by Greg Eckerman
A Men’s Group member recently introduced us to a meditation/prayer that I’d like to share with you.

Our losses are often burdened with the challenge of forgiveness – both for themselves
and for others. 

The beautiful Hawaiian teaching for Forgiveness is called “Ho’oponopono” (pronounced HO-oh-Po-no-Po-no), and it’s lovely.

Ho’oponopono functions as both a communication concept for reconciliation and a tool for restoring self-love and balance.

In solo practice, it can also work sort of like a mantra for self-love. And it’s very simple.

The word ho’oponopono roughly translates to “cause things to move back in balance” or to “make things right.” It’s a very zen-like concept. (In native Hawaiian language, “pono” means balance, in the sense of “life.”)

Accordingly, chanting this phrase over and over is a powerful way to cleanse the body of guilt, shame, haunting memories, ill will, or bad feelings that keep the mind fixated on negative thoughts.

As a forgiveness practice, it is also deeply resonant, as it tends to penetrate our inner monologue over time.

To try it out for yourself, follow along with the practice, below.
“I’M SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU”

To “cleanse” yourself of bad feelings, chant this mantra repeatedly while sitting with your eyes closed, as a kind of meditation.
Mom Advocating for Longer Bereavement Time
Hello Friends: My name is Valerie Pugliese. After struggling with many losses in my life, I learned to navigate a system that does not allow time off when you face a significant loss.

On March 1, 2022, I lost my son Garrett to suicide. I found myself unable to work or deal with the outside world, and I knew that this journey was a long one. Grief is a very powerful emotion and can take months if not years to recover. If we work together to amend the FAMILY ACT H.R. 804/S.
248 to include Bereavement, dealing with the sadness and chaos after a significant loss would allow us to settle into our new reality and focus on healing mind, body, and spirit.

The Family Act provides workers with up to 12 weeks of partial income when they take time off for their own serious health, including pregnancy and childbirth recovery; the serious health condition of a child, parent or spouse or domestic partner. They give you 12 weeks when you bring a person
into the world but only 3 days when a person leaves. 

Please support my effort to amend the Family Act and click on the box below to sign my petition.

Thank you,
Valerie
EricsHouse Tree of Life
The Tree of Life is a custom art installation, created by local artists to help us remember our loved ones. This unique exhibit is displayed in the center of the EricsHouse facility on a 7′ x 11′ birch panel.

Our Tree of Life holds the names of people lost to suicide and substance abuse in the leaves on the tree. When you donate $100 in the name of your lost loved one, a personalized leaf will be placed on the tree as a lasting memorial.Leaves may also be purchased for friends and family as a gift in their loved one’s honor.