Getting Dragged Out by the Tide
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2
When my daughter, Poppy, was born two and a half years ago, I foresaw the sleepless nights the feedings and the diaper changes, the ‘why’ questions stage (which, dear Lord, we have just entered!) and the general overwhelming expenses of every kind. What I didn’t imagine, however, is the huge pressure parents feel to help their children be “successful,” especially at such an early age.
From the earliest days in the Neonatal intensive care unit, we celebrated every moment when Poppy outperformed the nurses’ expectations such as feeding and weight gain, motion or lifting her tiny head. Then, we celebrated her first words (crocodile!), first steps, first day at St. Martin’s Preschool and now, her first sentences and ever-growing vocabulary.
Yet, as we reach the stages of ‘testing out’ and into other private preschools and empirical annual ‘testing,’ it is hard not to want your child to outperform others. We began to find ourselves discussing schools and extracurricular activities, what her hopes and passions might be — but not in an entirely wholesome way!
A few weeks ago, we realized that if we were not very careful, we would find ourselves swept along with the tide of patterns and expectations that the world has of us and our child – instead of stopping to celebrate all that has made her unique and beautiful and the God who has created her perfectly and wonderfully to be a person he would use in the world with a unique set of gifts and talents.
We have come to realize that it takes courage and daily tenacity not to get swept along with our culture’s prevalent ‘success’ mentality, which can rob children of their childhood in pursuit of greatness in one sphere or another; a pursuit that ultimately does not necessarily help them figure out who they are, how God made them and what their God given potential is.
Outside of St. Martin’s, I meet many exhausted parents and children — burdened by the relentless pursuit of excellence — excellence above friendships, above joy, laughter, above even finding God.
This verse reminds me not to get swept along with the flow, not to conform to the patterns of the world, and to remind myself that there is more than one way to parent, more than one way to help my child be successful, more than one definition of success.
Oh, that we would have the courage to look for it.
