Navigating a divorce is not easy, and I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise. But I will tell you that where you choose to place your focus can have a real impact on your well-being during this difficult time.

Will you choose to focus on the past and resentment about how your spouse ‘did you wrong’? Or will you choose to focus on the future that you want to create for yourself?

At Vacca Family Law Group, we strive to help clients meet unexpected challenges and find creative solutions that allow them to move forward to a better life after divorce. We’d love to talk to you more about how we can help.

~ Andrea Vacca, Collaborative Attorney and Mediator
How to Focus on the Present and Look to the Future When the Past Keeps Coming Up
in Your Divorce
"We loiter in winter when it is already spring."
~ Henry David Thoreau
It’s hard to focus on where you’re headed after your divorce if you’re always looking in the rearview mirror of your marriage. This is one of the main reasons why the process you choose for your divorce matters so much.

Litigation is a process that focuses on the past. The judge wants to know:

  • Who did what to whom?
  • How involved was each parent with the children?
  • How was the money spent or saved?

The collaborative process and mediation are future-focused:

  • What is important to you?
  • What do you want your life to look like?
  • How can you and your spouse take on new roles concerning your children and your work that wasn’t possible when you were married?

How to Choose a Divorce Process For Your Future

Step 1. Consider the options. 

Different divorce processes work in different ways and have different timelines, costs, stressors, and outcomes when your divorce is finalized. There are many factors to consider when deciding whether to choose a litigated divorce, a collaborative divorce, or divorce mediation. Educate yourself about the different processes. Talk to others who seem to have moved through their divorce with relative ease. What process did they use? Read books and articles. Interview attorneys and other divorce professionals.

Step 2. Ask Questions. 

Choosing the best type of divorce process for the future you want will require you to ask yourself questions such as: What are my financial and time priorities? What do I want my children to experience as their parents end their marriage? What type of relationship do I want with my spouse when this is all over? If you don’t already know the answers to these questions, a qualified divorce coach can help you get clarity.

Step 3. Find the Right Lawyer.

After you choose the type of divorce process that makes sense for you and your family, you need to choose divorce lawyers who are trained and skilled in that type of divorce. For example, only an attorney who has specific training in collaborative law can represent you in that process; and a divorce attorney who primarily litigates may not be the best choice if you want guidance and counsel as you engage in mediation.

For more information about choosing the process that will provide the best future outcome for you and your family, contact the New York divorce lawyer team at Vacca Family Law Group.
Andrea Vacca Receives Award for 2022 Top Women Attorneys in the New York Metro Area
Welcome Our New Team Member Maire Gordon
Receptionist & Client Concierge
Maire is the new Receptionist and Client Concierge at Vacca Family Law Group. She joined the team in December of 2021 after graduating from SUNY College at Oneonta with a B.S. in Political Science and a strong interest in working in a client-focused and more compassionate area of the law.

"I aim to provide support to clients, as well as our hardworking and devoted team. I’m looking forward to getting to know each of our clients and making this process as smooth as possible for them."
Mindset Quote of the Month
You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Want to dissolve your marriage without litigation? We can help.

At Vacca Family Law Group, we help clients dissolve their marriages without litigation. With discretion, elevated service, and a flexible approach, we specialize in finding creative (and sometimes unconventional) solutions that are right for each client’s unique situation. Ready to move forward? Contact us.

Looking for a Speaker?
Andrea Vacca is available to speak to your group on the topics of financial issues in divorce, prenuptial agreements, collaborative divorce, mediation, or other family law issues.