Weekly Newsletter

May 31, 2023

Quote of the Week:

" I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails

to always reach my destination."

– Jimmy Dean

Moving Beyond the Trap of Guilt

Guilt: Cambridge English Dictionary defines, "Guilt is a feeling of anxiety or unhappiness that you have done something immoral or wrong, such as causing harm to another person."

For caregivers, the presence of guilt: can have many faces leading to the determination of not doing "it" right.

Among them:

Reactions to loved one's behavior before diagnosis.
Wanting to get away.
Resentment
Feeling trapped
Asking others for help
Feelings of failure
Comparisons with other caregivers...
Self-neglect
To be determined...

A realistic self-assessment can enable caregivers to avoid the "shoulda/coulda/woulda" motivation trap by asking themselves: "Am I doing the best I can?" Can I cut myself with slack? Am I willing to learn from "when I know better, I do better"?

When feelings of self judgement arise regarding my caregiving, do I check in with myself to assess: Am I hungry, tired, or frustrated? Am I overwhelmed, in physical pain, or feeling a level of grief over the circumstances I'm facing?

It is common to turn on ourselves when in a state of overwhelm. Take the opportunity to take deep breaths, walk away, practice “mindfulness” by imagining compassion for yourself now faced with the disappointment, grief, and lifestyle circumstances never, ever anticipated.

Moving Beyond the Trap of Guilt

Acknowledge that guilt exists.
Examine the reason for guilt.
Make amends, if possible
Keep a journal (reading the struggles and resolve later, can be very therapeutic)
Accept that you have needs and make time to attend to them.
Eliminate negative self-talk, replace negative thoughts with encouragement... practice being your own best friend.
Establish boundaries: “NO” is a complete sentence, when necessary.
Make time to get away for “me” time
Factor healthy socialization into your schedule
Join a support group that builds a supportive community for a “safe place to fall” (or rise!)