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What has been meaningful to me in my faith development? What a great question.
As I scan back over the decades of my life, I can now see holy touches shaping me, though I did not know it at the time.
I can see myself at five-years-old, cozied up in the nook of my grandmother's arm before she took me to Vacation Bible School — where I relished the butter cookies and Dixie Cup servings of orange juice. Church was safe and fun and tasted good.
As a teenager, I eagerly went to youth group on Sunday nights, not because I was keen to learn about God – but because it was a chance to see the boy I had a crush on. Our church youth group was vibrant and edgy and inclusive.
As a young mother to three squirmy children, it was a victory just to show up at church on Sunday morning. I was not consciously contemplating the rich poetry of scripture or how the hymns softened my heart; it was more a function of habit than desire that got me there.
As I began traversing midlife, more psychic space opened up for me to harvest many memories such as these and receive the fuller dimensions of their beauty. As the poet Mary Oliver says, “Oh Lord….you are having such a long conversation in my heart.” Indeed.
I believe what Franciscan priest Richard Rohr suggests: that each of us are carriers of divine DNA — which resides right alongside our abundant humanity. Despite my resistance, I have found that my willingness to see parts of myself that I'd rather not acknowledge to be the richest soil for cultivating a supple, loving heart. The more light we shine on the shadow, the more space it creates for the divine DNA to beam.
My faith continues to be formed by church: whether I want it or not, every Sunday, the liturgy offers me a ready-made portal for confessing my shadow and receiving the Light. My experience tells me that Lent’s invitation to journey into the inner wilderness will be met first with my reluctance, then hangdog acknowledgement, and ultimately gratitude.
Just like in yesteryear, I wonder what holy touches are being bestowed on me now — which will be revealed in their wholeness later. Such a mystery – all that happens between the time we're born and the time we die. Thank God. Thank God.
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