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One thing every new parent vows to do is not resort to that old saying, “Because I said so,” like their parents did. How long does it last? Until the first time a child says no, and you realize that a one-year-old simply cannot be reasoned with. And when does it end? Well, if my experience is any indication – it doesn’t. Life experience is sometimes greater than all the reasoning in the world.
Our sages had the same insight. The Torah portion, Shoftim, commands the king to “not have many wives, lest his heart go astray.” (Deuteronomy 17:17). The Talmud asks, just how many wives are permitted by this injunction, and the answer is– 18! (Sanhedrin 21a). Now while in point of fact we know that polygamy was rare – not a single Talmudic sage had more than one wife –kings of Israel did have harems. The reason is that having many wives was both a means of creating strategic alliances with other nations, by marrying someone’s sister or daughter, and also was a way of projecting power. But the sages knew that invariably, if too many foreign women were brought into the king’s life, he would ultimately turn to idolatry to appease them.
But what if someone was clever enough to have many wives – and also avoid turning to idolatry. In other words, the only reason one can’t have more than eighteen wives is because no one is clever enough to avoid the pitfalls involved. But what if that person was King Solomon? Would the law then apply?
The Talmud takes up just such a theoretical question (Sanhedrin 21b):
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And Rabbi Yitzḥak says: For what reason were the rationales of Torah commandments not revealed? It was because the rationales of two verses were revealed, and the greatest in the world, King Solomon, failed in those matters. It is written with regard to a king: “He shall not add many wives for himself, that his heart should not turn away” (Deuteronomy 17:17). Solomon said: I will add many, but I will not turn away, as he thought that it is permitted to have many wives if one is otherwise meticulous not to stray. And later, it is written: “For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods” (I Kings 11:4).
In other words, the sages tell us that although it is frustrating at times not to know the reason behind various commandments, there is also a danger in revealing the reason. We have too much confidence in our ability to navigate a situation and get ourselves into trouble. Sometimes we just have to go along with what the Torah commands “Because G-d said so.”
Looks like parents who decline to give a reason to their kids are in good company.
- Rabbi Scott Hoffman
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