• How psychotherapy stimulates change, according to one scholar’s review of a large body of empirical investigations. 

• “Parasitic”: the narcissist-empath relationship as conveyed by a psychologist. 

• “The Four Phases of Retirement” according to Riley Moynes.

• Oliver Burkeman: Time Management for Mortals 



• The Mircomanipulation of Narcissists 

The Men's Group Seminar: “Strangers to Ourselves” -- The Work of Tim Wilson

Tim Wilson is a social psychologist and researcher at the University of Virginia and author of Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious. Scientific investigations by Wilson and others indicate that we are not all that good at knowing ourselves and, in fact, are much more capable of deceiving ourselves. While “look within” and “listen to your inner voice” have long been celebrated mantras by philosophers for centuries as the pathway to self-knowledge, these are now called into question. For example, scientific studies on choice-making and the rationales for our choices, including Wilson’s well-know Poster Test experiment, suggest that our motivations and preferences often defy subjective explanation, a phenomenon called the “Introspection Illusion” This research challenges the underpinnings of Freud’s psychoanalysis, which is largely based on introspection as the primary means by which we may come to know ourselves more fully. 

For Wilson, introspection does little to get at previously unrecognized aspects of ourselves but, rather, stimulates the construction of self-narratives that are typically highly misleading, made up mostly of “confabulations." In fact, Wilson conceptualizes an “adaptive unconscious”; this is the structured component of the mind directed toward concealing or bypassing that which we do not want to know or understand about our character. Distinct from Freud’s unconscious which consists of repressed urges and drives, Wilson’s adaptive unconscious features automated perceptual processes outside of our awareness that appear to serve an evolutionary function. At the core of the adaptive unconscious are our true attitudes, biases, judgments and feelings – which are ultimately camouflaged by conscious thought that “spins” our deeper mental reality favorably like a “psychological immune system.” In the next virtual meeting of the Men's Group Seminar on Saturday, October 1, 2022 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will explore Wilson’s work and its implications for self-knowledge, interpersonal connection, and psychological growth. NPR’s “Hidden Brain” podcast episode featuring Wilson will be a central focus of our discussion.   

To register for this upcoming virtual seminar, please see the directions below.

The Relationship Group Seminar: Emotional Infidelity



There remains the assumption that emotional infidelity is not as egregious or damaging as a full-blown sexual affair, but this is not the case; in fact, some experts believe that emotional affairs may even be more destructive. Data indicate that since the pandemic, the incidence of emotional affairs has been on the rise.  Further, a British study reported that among people who admitted to being unfaithful, most endorsed committing betrayals that did not include a sexual component.  Many relationship experts contend that what constitutes infidelity is unique to each specific relationship, yet most view emotional infidelity as a reciprocal, supportive “non-sexual intimacy” outside of, and diverting attention from, one’s primary relationship (given this, the emotional affair is inherently seen as a betrayal ). The depth of intimacy that evolves in an emotional affair may be significant and ultimately akin to that of a romantic relationship. An emotional affair is distinguished from mere platonic friendship and from “micro-cheating,” which are inappropriate acts of affection outside of the primary relationship not associated with an emotional investment. Emotional affairs often begin fairly innocently, but quickly gain momentum and become secretive as standard boundaries of engagement continue to be crossed. Emotional affairs may persist for brief or long periods of time, and some do in fact function as “gateway affairs” which give rise to a sexual relationship. The causes of emotional infidelity are varied and include feeling neglected or misunderstood in one’s primary relationship as well as craving the infatuation and excitement of an emotional affair. Some writers note the need to be recognized beyond one’s ordinary roles in life as an intoxicating draw to having an emotional affair. Once revealed, the impact of emotional infidelity can be detrimental and may include “relationship PTSD." Many primary relationships ultimately break up, while some may gradually improve as the emotional affair is understood and processed.  In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, October 1, 2022 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will discuss the causes and consequences of emotional infidelity. We will consider the warning signs of emotional infidelity, as well as an internet-based quiz for determining if you may be involved in an emotional affair. The YouTube presentations “7 Signs of An Emotional Affair” and “6 Triggers That Cause Emotional Affairs” will also be reviewed. 

To register for this upcoming virtual seminar, please see the directions below.

The Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Group

A new psychodynamic psychotherapy group (for women and men) is currently forming in my practice. Referrals are welcomed (please contact me at 949-338-4388 or at jt@jamestobinphd.com). This therapy group will utilize the emerging dynamics among group members as a basis from which to examine characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and relating to others. This group will be a therapeutic experience and entry into the group occurs only after a pre-group screening interview and preparation phase. As of now, the time and location of this new group are TBD.