MEDIATION MUSINGS

Sara Barnes, Executive Director

A profound question

My conflict coach asked me a question. I didn't think much of it; she had been asking questions all along and we had developed a good rapport. As a first-time coaching client, I was enjoying the process. Shawra, my coach, had a nice tone to her voice. (The sessions were all by phone in those pre-Zoom days.) She seemed kind.

She would ask an open-ended question that made me think deeply. I started answering and would find myself going farther into aspects of the confounding conflict that had brought me to conflict coaching. Then she would pick up on something I had just said, ask a related question, and send me off on another thought journey. It was a seamless conversation. I felt comfortable. The questions made me think. All the while I didn't feel judged or in any way diminished. Shawra seemed to be genuinely interested and curious about my dilemma. I felt like we were a dynamic duo working to investigate a mystery. Shawra was on my side, and we were a team.

After that first coaching session I reflected on the one question she had asked me that dramatically opened up my thinking and helped me to see another way forward. I wondered to myself, Why didn't I think of that question myself? How did Shawra know to ask that particular question at that exact time? In future days that question became a central theme in my thinking. I carried out my plan that we had worked on together. It went well.

Conflict Coaching––a simple toolbox

Coaches have a small set of tools to use. The art and craft for conflict coaches is to pick up the right tool at the right time. If you're wondering what you would see if you were watching a conflict coaching session, it's pretty basic: two people together, talking. Conflict coaches do these things: listen, inquire, review, probe, notice patterns, take notes, encourage, document plans, cheerlead. It is remarkable how much can be accomplished with these seemingly common actions.

    Here are a few of the kinds of questions that coaches ask:

• What brought you here?
• Can you say more about that?
• What do you think the other person would say about that?
• Are you ready to start to make a plan?
• What kind of support do you need to make progress with your plan?
• Did you learn anything through this process?

What I've learned along the way, after that first coaching session with Shawra and now being a conflict coach myself, is that so much of coaching is about staying present with the other person. Listening. Believing in the capability of the client. Staying open. Putting your own ideas to the side. Simple ingredients that can lead to an experience of learning and growth. The coach does not map out the process in advance. Rather, they follow a set of components that are designed to be customized and adapted depending on what the client brings to the coaching process.

We could all use a coach

Everyone needs a coach sometimes. The coaching process is about building self-reflection into a circumstance where many find themselves stuck. It is rare to spend two one-hour sessions with someone who does not judge, does not advance their own agenda, and genuinely wants you to succeed. To have a kind and well-trained listener sit with you and share in your life's challenges is a gift.

When we suggest coaching, we make sure to explain that it is not therapy. Conflict Coaching is designed to help the client look at a situation with conflict analysis tools and move forward and make a self-determined plan. Sometimes coaching clients decide to pursue therapy, but the two processes use different tools and are based on different fields of study. Conflict Coaching, like all conflict resolution processes, is focused on looking forward, not back.

What was the question?

You may be wondering what magic question my conflict coach asked that changed my life. After so many years I really can't remember. Sorry. What I do remember is that her question was the result of carefully considered thinking coming from a smart coach who listened well, could think along with me, and noticed something I had not considered before. As coaches, that's what we live for––to hear from our client something like what I said to Shawra when I saw her again: "You asked me the exact right question at the exact right time, and I thank you for that."

Social Media––C'mon and Help Us Out

Are you following MV Mediation on social media? Click here to see what you may be missing! Follow us for helpful tips about managing conflicts in our daily lives, and information about community events, workshops, and courses. For example, if you go to Facebook or Instagram on Aug 7th, you can take a fun quiz on Intellectual Humility. On Aug 15th you can learn ways mediation supports the agriculture community, and during the week of Aug 21st, get tips for families transitioning back to school. 

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! 

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Making the Transition from Incarceration to Community Easier

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to:

• Incarcerated individuals––pre-release
• Recently released individuals––post-release

These mediation sessions can include up to three people: family, friends, workplace associates, church members. Participants should be individuals who are important to the person who is or was incarcerated and who would benefit from a conversation in a neutral and safe setting. Re-entry mediation is an opportunity to make plans for the future. All cases are confidential.

For pre-release cases, the sessions are between the incarcerated person and a person of their choice. All participants are cleared by the incarcerating institution. Once clearance is completed, the participants meet with with two mediators who have completed specialized training in re-entry mediation. For post-release cases, the participants meet together through Zoom, and those cases are handled by the re-entry mediators through the mediation program.

 More information check out our flyers for Pre-released and Post-released individuals.

Please email info@mvmediation.org for more information or call 508-693-2999.

HEALTHY AGING and MV MEDIATION 

and their new 

HOME SHARING PILOT PROGRAM

Housing is a core unresolved conflict here on Martha's Vineyard. That's why we are so pleased to support Healthy Aging MV with their new initiative called Home Sharing. We will be providing Facilitation and Conflict Coaching services for Healthy Aging participants as the host and guest work out mutually agreeable terms for sharing a home. 

Find more information on their website: healthy aging or check out their digital brochure here.

Introduction to Mediation Course

Our eight new apprentice mediators are gaining experience by observing mediation sessions.

New mediators! Our next Introduction to Mediation Course will begin on Tuesday September 27, 2022. There are two sections.

Section One: Mediation Basics––6 sessions September 27–November 1

Section Two: Mediation Qualification––6 sessions November 15–December 20.

The cost for each six-session course is $150–$350 based on your ability to pay. Scholarships are available. Please email info@mvmediation.org for more information or register here.

Take a Course This Fall

MV Mediation has Great Courses! You should learn with them. Great people and I had fun.  That's what one of the participants said after taking two courses. Here is the schedule for the fall courses. Sign up today. Course schedule

Financial Conflicts and Financial Conflict Coaching

Conflicts are often driven by financial matters. Here are some tools and strategies to get a better handle on your finances. Self-help financial tools.

"Hidden Brain" is one of our favorite podcasts here at MV Mediation. They are providing insight into financial management issues. Check this out: Hidden Brain

Workplace Conflict Management



MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces.

We offer a spring and fall session of our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers. This course is a popular offering. If you would like to sign up to be part of our next course, sign up here. Fall 2022 Workplace Cohort.

Email info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999 for more information.

Conflict Coaching Can Help You

It is not therapy. It is not advice. So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and a coach working collaboratively. The process usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. Click Here to Make Your Appointment Today! No charge for this service for the remainder of 2022.

If you would like to become a Conflict Coach, our next class begins on Tuesday September 6 and runs for 8 sessions from 10 to 12 noon on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Happiness and Conflict Resolution

Here is an article from our colleague Sabrina Alfrey from the Worcester affiliate of MOPC, our State network. It was published in the online newsletter of National Association for Community Mediation NAFCM. Read it. Thanks Sabrina for helping us to stay happy! 

MV Mediation Youth Program

We brought a group of Charter School middle school students to visit the MVTV Studio, where they recorded a mediation session. Students practiced their conflict resolution skills in a role play, with students as mediators, the mediation participants, and crew. What an incredible experience. Stay tuned for Whose Sweatshirt Is This?

Our Youth Coordinator position is open until filled. Read the posting here. Could you spread the word? We have plenty of work in schools and youth organizations. This is a growth-oriented position and is a chance to help build our organization and put our vision into reality: An island of capable, competent conflict resolvers.

Upcoming for Mediators, Coaches, and Facilitators

Mediators' Check-in

Check in every Wednesday 4–5 p.m. to discuss aspects of conflict resolution in our community.

• August 3: Types of Mediation––Workplace
• August 10:  Conflict Coaching––Coaching and mediation
• September 7: Opening statements in mediation––what are they for?

No Mediator Check-in August 17–31. Next Check-in September 7.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

Board of Directors' Corner

Welcome to new Board Member Pricila Vilaça. Pricila joins us after being associated with our work for a number of years and is an awesome addition to our Board of Directors. Here is an article about Pricila's work with Martha's Vineyard Community Services. Thank you, Pricila, for becoming part of our mission and vision. Read about Pricila here.

We had a great Annual Meeting in June. Thanks to all our community members who attended and said such nice things about our work.

Pickleball!

Sara Barnes, Executive Director

If someone had told me 10 years ago that I might suggest renaming our organization the Pickleball Mediation Program I would have laughed at the joke. I had no way of knowing even what pickleball was or how it would affect our program. A couple of years ago though, it appeared to me that the entire Board and service provider roster were a little more interested in playing pickleball than doing mediations. I, who cannot seem to hit anything with a bat, racket, or paddle to save my life, made fun of the crowd I called "pickleball mediators." We thought about having a pickleball tournament to raise money. We came up with metaphors about the game related to conflict resolution.

As with any human activity, pickleball and conflict have intersected in many communities, including our neighbors in Falmouth. Our Los Angeles colleague Marlon Schulman has written an interesting article about the various aspects of pickleball and conflict resolution. You can read that article here. Play ball!

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution



We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508 693-2999

Divórcio, Disputas em Família e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia e visitação de menores, pensão alimentícia, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508 693-2199

For Your Viewing Pleasure

What is mediation all about? Check out these cute videos made by Ros Cresswell from MOPC, our State network. Keep 'em coming Ros.     

  https://vimeo.com/726054863        https://vimeo.com/734024923

Here is a very touching and important recent TV episode that may be enlightening about eviction. Facing Eviction from Frontline, PBS.

Why I Mediate

"I had the opportunity to participate in mediation training. It was a time commitment that had to be juggled a bit. Never in my wildest dreams would I realize the transformation that this training has provided in my work life, my home life, and my view of the world. I am so pleased to be an apprentice mediator and part of a program that serves its community with such grace."



––Stacy Gerry, Apprentice Mediator

Thank you, Martha's Vineyard Non-Profit Collaborative, for including us in the Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Justice Intensive Leadership Program led by Dr. Robin Stacia and Vernetta Walker. 

Thank you, Martha's Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation for

our Portuguese Translation, Interpretation, and Services Grant

Thank you, Rockland Trust Charitable Foundation for financial support of our Youth Programs and being a part of our vision: 

An Island of capable, competent conflict resolvers.

Thank you Massachusetts Office of Public Collaboration for advocacy in the state legislature for mediation and conflict resolution programs.