Unsettled
Alicia Reese
January 5, 2022
On Sunday, Pastor John talked about “in-between times.” We are in such a time now, after Christmas and before Epiphany. This year, I have felt really immersed in this “in-between times” sort of feeling. It has manifested for me by feeling on edge, unsettled, like I’m waiting for something.
When Christmas was over, I didn’t have the usual feeling of relaxation and peace. I took time to rest, read, and engage in self-care, but I couldn’t shake feeling unsettled. In my attempts to shake it, I did a couple of puzzles, made progress on a project that has been in the works for several months, did multiple loads of laundry and dishes, essentially did whatever I could to declutter the spaces around me in the hope of creating more space in my mind, wanting my mind and body to be able to feel at peace.
When New Year’s Eve arrived, it felt completely unremarkable. It was just another day. Both Plan A and Plan B for the evening got canceled due to friends and/or family getting COVID, so the night was a quiet one, spent at home with my husband and fur babies, as I stayed awake until midnight (which was a struggle). Although I know it would never have been my extrovert husband’s first choice, it was lovely, and it was probably the most peaceful I have felt in a long time.
Throughout the pandemic, I think I (and maybe we all) have been viewing this as an “in-between” time. There is the distinct time before the pandemic, our current pandemic situation (in-between), and an uncertain-blurry-amorphous-after-the-pandemic time we hope will come. But living in a never ending, or at least undetermined amount of “in-between” time is difficult. For the last two years, days, dates, and time have been somewhat arbitrary, yet life has somehow persisted in this strange “in-between” time. Even though part of me wonders, “where have these last two years gone?”, I know that the last two years have been filled to the brim. Maybe not with all the fun, wonderful, and exciting things we planned or hoped for, but filled, nevertheless.
For many, this time is when they lost their parent, they mourned deaths of siblings, cousins, friends, but they may not have gotten the chance to say goodbye. For many this time was when they got a puppy, had a baby, bought a house, got married. This was the time they lost their job, or left their job, or took a big risk that didn’t pay off, or it did. This was the time that we learned church can be online and still be meaningful.
I’m not even sure where I am going with this anymore other than perhaps to say, maybe this “in-between” time is really just life. And life is messy, beautiful, and tragic, full of love and loss and boundless joy and unspeakable grief. We feel unsettled and we try to find peace. So, I thank God for my loved ones, my communities, who journey with me in life and the “in-between” times.
God, you are the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end. You are the before, the in-between, and the after of this thing called life. Settle us when we are restless. Grant us your peace. Challenge us to prepare and act when we feel stagnant. Grant us courage and grant us wisdom to remember and know your love for us when we face the unknown. Amen.
