Maladaptive Perfectionism
If you are like me, you probably have a list of things that you would like to accomplish in life. I suspect for most of us, these lists began to emerge during our childhood, e.g., getting into a certain school, playing for a select sports team, dating our crush, etc. As we get older, our lists of aspirations don’t shrink as we check things off. Quite the opposite: they grow with aspirations such as attaining a promotion, getting the perfect body, and, of course, helping our kids achieve their own goals.
In today’s world, the pressure to achieve is heightened by social media. There is immense pressure to showcase our achievements to others. Don’t get me wrong, goals are useful and they help us do great things, but a hyper-focus on achievement — what psychologists call “maladaptive perfectionism” — can be stressful. What’s more, our self-worth often becomes intertwined with achievement and approval.
In today’s Gospel reading from Mark 10, we see a man who wrestles with maladaptive perfectionism. He is an achiever, and, by all accounts “good” (by today’s standards, he probably had several thousand Instagram followers). And yet, this man, recognizes that there is more to life. So, he asks Jesus an important question, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” (Mark 10:17) Jesus replies, “Keep the law.” (A textbook rabbi answer.) Upon hearing this, the man says, “I have kept all these since my youth.” (Mark 10:20) Remember, he is an overachiever! He has done a good job of checking all the boxes, but his answer reflects a superficial understanding of the law and of spiritual poverty, especially when Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3)
At this point, Jesus looks at him and says, “You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” (Mark 10:21) This demand of Jesus seems harsh. Is He asking too much? Jesus knew that, despite this man’s laudable piety, his material wealth (a trophy of his achievement), occupied a central place in his life. It was too important to him. It was like a God. And, for this reason, it impeded his spiritual growth.
What Jesus desires of us most is our ultimate allegiance. He wants us to have a child-like faith, one that depends on him for everything. This, and this alone, is necessary to become part of God’s kingdom.
As you begin your day, consider where your focus lies. What drives you? I encourage you to divest yourself of the need to be perfect. Remember that the pathway toward contentment is found when we realize that God is God and we are not. Let us look to Him as the one who brings satisfaction. And God’s work in us will eclipse anything else we accomplish in life.
