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Toldos- How you ‘ACT’ and who you ‘ARE’
For this year’s Parsha Lesson I will be applying the lesson that can be derived from the Dvar Torah to the world as we know it today.
Background
In this week’s parsha we have the beginning of two of the great nations and forces of the world: Eisav and Yakov. They are both diametrically opposed to each other, represent two completely different ideas of what life is all about and- uncannily enough- they are identical twin brothers.
Eisav was the forebear of the nation of Edom, generally understood to be Western Europeans: Germans, British, French, and Italians; while Yakov was the father of the Jewish nation. Edom has taught the world that might, economic (physical) success and materialism are the key to man’s happiness and being ‘redeemed’ from a wretched state of impoverishedness and a lacking of material possessions is the ultimate accomplishment and triumph of life.
The Jewish people, on the other hand, have shown the world that knowledge and understanding, intellect and spirituality- are the keys to man’s success and redemption. Not as a means to acquire material possessions, that is the bastardized version of the Judeo-Christian world order. But rather the intellectual and spiritual capacity of man being used to grow and improve one’s character and behavior, and to attain intellectual and spiritual greatness- for its own sake.
The founders of these two different nations are put on full display in this week’s parsha: Eisav acts in a boorish manner in his solely focused mission for materialism. Eisav’s interest in the blessings of Yitzchak are only to enable his family’s success in materialistic endeavors. Yakov, on the other hand, is concerned about wisdom and character development. Yakov is interested in Yitzchak’s blessings as it was understood that these blessings meant the future of Klal Yisroel. These blessings would determine which son would carry on the legacy of Avraham and Yitzchak and through whom the ‘light unto the nations’ would spring forth.
There are two ‘minor’ glimpses that we have into the essence of who these two men were:
- Eisav returns from a day of intense hunting and he is on the verge of death. He sees Yakov cooking red lentil stew and asks for some of that ‘red stuff’. It is this crass comment of his that is the reason why his nation is thus dubbed ‘Edom’ or ‘Red’.
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Yakov approaches his father Yitzchak, with a delicious meal, dressed up as Eisav, in an attempt to take the brachos which had been sold to him by Eisav previously (for the bowl of ‘red stuff’). As Yakov goes about serving his father, Yakov asks his father to ‘please, arise father, and partake’. This was quite uncharacteristic of how Eisav would have spoken and immediately made Yitzchak suspicious and he famously proclaimed ‘for the voice is that of Yakov, but the hands are those of Eisav.
Eisav, ever the boor and uncouth materialistic being, could not talk in a refined way. And Yakov, although dressing and trying to act like Eisav, could not speak as crudely as Eisav would have spoken.
Question
What was wrong with how Eisav spoke? Why does the Torah and Chazal take such issue with this slip of the tongue that he made- while in a state of verging on death and being desperate for food? What is so bad about referring to the soup as ‘red stuff’?
And, on the flip side- how could Yakov not make sure to speak in an uncouth fashion like Eisav!? There was too much on the line! As Yakov himself mentioned to Rivkah, if Yitzchak gets upset and discovers the ruse- Yakov will earn himself a curse from his holy father!
How could we read so much into the boorish behavior of Eisav? In this situation, considering the duress he was under, shouldn’t he get a pass? And, on the other hand, how can we look at Yakov favorably for his slip of the tongue- it was negligence and dangerous!?
Answer
There are behaviors and actions that a person ‘does’ and then there is who the person ‘is’. Most probably Eisav tried to behave properly and to speak with refinement- especially in the house he lived in! But he just simply couldn’t. He was uncouth. On the other hand, when trying to ‘act’ as Eisav, Yakov undoubtedly spoke as much like Eisav as he could- but he could not help himself in speaking in a refined and more noble fashion, and his true self ‘slipped out’.
In fact, our Chazal say, that the true measure of a person is seen ‘בכיסו בכעסו ובכוסו’, in his money, in his anger and in his drunkenness. These are situations where the regular safeguards and pretensions are cleared aside and the true person emerges.
Eisav, when under duress, spoke as Eisav was. Yakov, in the pressured life and death situation he found himself in, slipped into showing who he truly was.
Lesson for our world
I saw a meme the other day that went as follows:
‘I can be mean as anything, or sweet as candy. I can be cold as ice, or warm as a bunny. I can as evil as the devil or loyal like a soldier- it all depends on you.’
The one who shared this, no doubt, thought that there was wisdom here and that this was something to be proud of. But they couldn’t be more mistaken. The sign of a strong, good person- is someone who is fundamentally, deep down, good and strong. NOT someone who is constantly thrown around and ‘a slave’ of their circumstances and surroundings.
Someone who is only able to act properly when their ‘ducks are in a row’, is not someone who IS proper. They are someone who knows how to ‘act’ properly. Someone who is only considerate when they are trying to get something, is not a thoughtful person. Someone who finds themselves concerned about those around them even when they have no needs, that is a thoughtful, giving person. The goal is to become a good person, someone who is fundamentally good. Deep down. Not merely to ‘act’ like one.
When one does see a glimpse into who they really are, they should not despair, but rather they should take that as their marching orders to improve and develop themselves into people who they are proud of. People who are consistent, strong and in charge of their own destiny and who behave in the way they know to be correct- regardless of the circumstances they find themselves in.
Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos,
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
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