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Vayechi- ‘Who is wise? One who looks to the outcome’
For this year’s Parsha Lesson I will be focusing on a chinuch (parenting/ educational) lesson that can be derived from the Dvar Torah.
Background
This week’s Parsha discusses the end of the life of Yakov Avinu (our father), and with his passing the end of the era of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs and the infancy and formulation of the Jewish nation, our people. As such, it was now the time for Yakov to give his final guidance and instruction to his children as to how they should conduct themselves and how they should arrange themselves as a nation.
The firstborn, Reuven, by all rights should have been the tribe of the High Priest and the Kingship. Yakov told him that due to his impetuousness and his rashness he would not get those offices. Next in line for these positions were Shimon and Levi. Yakov tells them that they too will not be getting these offices due to their anger which had caused them to act improperly. (Levi did in fact re-acquire the Priesthood, due to the greatness of the people of Levi many years later.)
Finally, Yehuda, the 4th born son of Yakov from Leah, merited the Kingship due to his fortitude and strength and resolve to do that which was right and proper, despite the great embarrassment and difficulty that it may entail. (This was exhibited by Yehuda himself with the story of Tamar, and by his descendants in a number of different instances delineated by Chazal).
Question
How could Yakov as a loving father, who so valued and held in such high-esteem Reuven, Shimon and Levi, withhold these positions from them? Isn’t this very harsh and cruel of him?
In fact, Chazal (Rabbis who pass down the tradition of the Oral Torah) teach us, that Shimon and Levi were designated to be scattered about among the Jewish people and would have to come onto the rest of Klal Yisroel (the Jewish nation) for their sustenance. How could a loving father like Yakov do this to his sons?
And these sons of Yakov, despite their subtle flaws, were great men! They were, in fact, of the greatest men in history! They were pious, learned, of sterling character and noble bearing. True, they did have nuanced flaws of character, but they were aware of those challenges and they were working on them.
Why would Yakov take away these positions of greatness from them?
Answer
Yakov understood clearly that this world is but a conduit, a pathway, to the next world, Olam Haba (world to come). The purpose of this world is as an opportunity for a person to improve themselves and better themselves so that for eternity they can be a more perfected and refined being. The exact life situation on this world is insignificant towards Man’s true existence in creation.
As the Gemara in Bava Basra (10b) says that the next world, Olam Haba, will look upside down to many people. Those that are not considered significant on this world, are of great importance in the next world and vice versa. What is the reasoning behind this? On this world we put tremendous value and place great importance on ‘status’, while in truth ‘status’ is irrelevant. The only thing that is important is- are you improving yourself, and striving towards ever higher levels of improvement of character? Or, are you stagnating and faltering?
Was this cruel of Yakov to remove his dear sons from their positions of stature? It depends how one views it. If you view position and status on this world as the ‘be all and end all’, then it is devastating. If, however, you view this world, correctly, as a means to improving one’s self, then the only question becomes- what is the best position for a person to be in, in order to improve themselves ever further?
Yakov saw that the specific flaws and challenges that Reuven, Shimon and Levi faced would make such positions and offices of leadership detrimental to their overall success in developing themselves and refining and perfecting their character. For Yehuda, on the other hand, the position of Kingship would go to further perfect his character strengths and be opportunity towards his further development.
Every one of the brothers, and the tribes and children that came from them, would be best positioned to develop themselves best. This was the only matter of importance to Yakov, as a loving and caring father, who was rightly concerned, only, with what was most important and what would lead to his children’s ultimate success.
Chinuch Lesson
As parents and teachers it is our job and responsibility to be very aware and understanding of all of the nuance of character, abilities and temperament of the children in our care. This is not only of utmost importance in knowing how to get through to them the ideals and education that we are trying to instill, but it is crucial towards informing us how to position our children for the ultimate, true success that we want for them.
To get distracted with them being in the right group, having the right ‘status’ in the short term, while undermining their chance of success in the longer term- would be a tremendous disservice to them and hamper their ability to truly succeed in life.
My father had a friend many years ago who had gone through their Yeshiva’s high school and continued on into the Beis Medrash program (post-high school intensive Talmud study). Very quickly this fellow found himself ‘in over his head’ and struggling to keep up with the other boys. This young man went over to the Rosh Yeshiva (Head of School) and requested to be sent ‘down’ to the 12th grade shiur (Talmud class). The Rosh Yeshiva said- you can certainly do so, but I’m concerned that you will become discouraged and feel down about yourself and therefore not be successful. The young man responded, with tremendous insight and wisdom, and said- when I am 40 years old no one will remember that I was ‘left back’ a grade level. But when I am 40 years old and I don’t know how to learn Gemara, everyone will know.
The irony of this great story and lesson is that those who knew of this story, very well remembered that this young man was ‘left back’ a grade, and in fact passed along this story to their children, of who I am one. But along with this story came the timeless lesson and admiration for young Johnny Abeles who was able to be mature enough to make the right decision for himself, regardless of the uncomfortability of the moment.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful Shabbos!
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
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