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Director's message
Dear Friends:

In one of those odd random moments in our social media world, a video popped up in my YouTube feed that I have thought a lot about this week. It showed the beginning of a Portland Trailblazers basketball game from 15+ years ago. The 13-year-old girl who’d been selected to sing the national anthem began strong, and then lost the words. Trailblazers coach Mo Cheeks saw her struggle, came up behind her, put his hand on her shoulder, and helped her through the rest of the song. It was a sweet and memorable moment, when a caring adult made all the difference in the life of a child. Watch it here.

Isn’t that one of the most difficult feelings we face—to be in a space full of people, but still feel as though we are alone? 

But just one person can help us overcome that feeling, to help us with encouragement and empowerment and love. Every one of us is capable of being that person for someone. 

Our friend Nancy is that person for three young someones. Our YouthWork team and our partners at SER-Metro in Detroit were those people for a group of youth in their charge this summer.

Their inspiring stories are below.

With all the uncertainty and anxiety in the world today, even a single moment of kindness to someone feeling so alone can be life changing. 

We can’t all be Nancy, or a CFS staffer making life changing differences every day. But we CAN be kind. 

Warmly,
Gina Aranki, Executive Director

P.S... Nancy's birthday was this week! If you know her, send her some love!
CFS: 85 Years of Helping Children and Families
WHERE ARE THEY NOW STORIES:
The Stoessel Family
I hated Valentine's Day for the longest time, eating chocolates by myself, seeing all the great pictures on social media of flowers, trinkets, and jewelry. Honestly, I was a little jealous. But now something has changed. I love Valentine's Day! I get the best handmade cards and chocolates, and have someone who tries to find me flowers all year long. You must be thinking, "Wow, she found a great man!" The truth is, I got kids! 

Flashback to September 4th, 2015:
I was sitting at a bar with friends having a cocktail when I got the most amazing phone call. The call was from Child and Family Services (CFS), and they had three children ages two, three, and 11 who needed immediate emergency placement. I had just finished my foster care training a couple months prior to this. They wanted to know if I would be willing to take the children for a weekend as they looked for a home that could take all three. I'll be honest— I was scared, so scared but something inside me said yes, so I did. I ran home freaking out because I am a single woman and now I had to go clean my house and get ready for three children. They showed up at 1 am with a couple of bags and broken hearts.

Thus began my story—actually, our story. Immediately following their arrival, my house was bombarded by friends who gave the most amazing outpouring of love and support I have ever seen. The children received clothes, shoes, toys, and lots of hugs.
I had friends helping baby-sit as I had just started a new job three months before. We also received food, and not just any food, we got kid-friendly food—chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, oatmeal and snacks, peanut butter and jelly—it was amazing. After the first weekend, no one else was available to take all three children, and that broke my heart, so I decided to keep them!

My life as a single woman was over. No more getting up and going shopping at any time of the day, no more saying yes, I'll go out with friends. My days were consumed with trying to learn about these three amazing children and keeping up with their schedules and mine. After all, I had no idea how to even enroll a child into school or knew anything about daycare. My workers from CFS educated and helped me in all the different ways they could help—and did they ever!  

Going from being single to caregiver of children overnight is crazy, and I can't say “mom” because at that time that's all I was—a caregiver who fell in love with three children. CFS provided the kids and me different opportunities to get together as a “family" and have some fun, as well as resources. We enjoyed different CFS-sponsored functions, such as the Fall Festival at Jacob's Corn Maze.
The Optimist Club assisted us with the most amazing Christmas program. Volunteers took the children shopping at Target for Christmas. This wasn't a normal shopping trip to get toys for themselves, but an opportunity to shop for their siblings and for me and anyone else they wanted to. We were able to participate in Paper Angels, which I can tell you as a single person who gained three children overnight three months before Christmas was a little stressful, and being on the receiving end of Paper Angels is such a blessing. We were also introduced to the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Northern Michigan. All of the children have a Big. It's the most amazing program that matches a caring adult with a child from our community. These Bigs have taught my children how to fish, hunt, do art, see movies, go on hikes, learn to ice skate and try new things. Seeing how our community supports CFS and children makes me tear up.

Fast forward six and a half years later, I am Mom. I adopted the children a year after placement and my life has never been better. Don't get me wrong, I still have those moments just like everyone else, where I hide in the bathroom watching Tik Toks and wondering what the heck am I doing, but then I get a hug. I now have an amazing young man who is eight years old and keeps me on my toes constantly. He is the funniest, kindest, most empathetic crazy person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I have a "drama llama" 10-year-old little girl who is into basketball, the Detroit Lions, and art. And the craziest thing of all to me is I have a senior in high school who is going to be 18 in just a couple months. He is into sports and he loves to go bowling, he draws, he has some of the best friends in the world and he makes me laugh. He was the one who changed me from caregiver to Mom. The day of the adoption as we were driving away he called out from the back seat “Hey, Mom, where are we going to eat?” That was the first time he ever called me Mom. Now I think how in the heck have I only been a mom for such a short time and already I have an adult child? To me it is mind-blowing and every day I look at him and his brother and sister and I hope and pray I have given them the love, strength, and wisdom to go out into this world and become the best they can be.

Every year I make Valentine's Day bags for these kiddos. This year was funny t-shirts, chocolates, and a walking toy that poops out candy. Now it's my turn to go sneak some of their chocolate!
YouthWork Update
From the UP to Detroit: Continued Partnership and Expanding Impact

As YouthWork begins recruiting for another busy spring/summer season, we wanted to reflect upon one of our Summer 2021 successes. Last summer, a group of young adults from Detroit not only took a great leap to join us in a new partnership project, but did so knowing they would be hundreds of miles from home for most of their summer-- gaining service experience and making a difference throughout Northern Michigan. This journey was both admirable and collectively beneficial to all our youth, our partner sites in Northern Michigan, and even a new partner site in Monroe, Michigan: the River Raisin National Battlefield Park. 

SER Metro-Detroit, the organization we partnered with, recruited select individuals who were connected through their program and seemed interested in our positions. Five venturous individuals (Jayden, Alicia, Christina, Azteca, and Shanya) and their encouraging leader, Alexis, decided to check it out. We had the privilege of hosting their team while facilitating unique skills in a service setting, making this partnership mutually beneficial and an exciting new adventure for everyone involved. 

During their 8 weeks with us, the crew served at Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore, Chippewa Run Natural Area (Empire), Twin Lakes Park (Traverse City), Maple Bay Natural Area (Traverse City), Hiawatha National Forest (Munising, Upper Peninsula), River Raisin Battlefield Park (Monroe), and spent time serving their own community in Detroit. At these locations the team groomed trails, built trails, removed invasives, cleared and restored historic structures and historic views, washed historic Great Lakes boats, painted spaces, uncovered hidden amphitheaters, mulched baby trees, and participated in many smaller projects.

Shanya, who was always eager to learn new skills, remembers how she “learned how to work a Weed Wacker and how to build a boardwalk. It was nice seeing the work we did after it was done.” In these areas, the crew also managed to see a ton of natural landscapes and the wildlife they harbor. Alicia, a lover of animals, mentioned how much she liked “seeing baby vultures in a barn we were working in!”
Throughout their experience, I was continually impressed by the crew’s drive to explore. Even after a full day of service, they exuded this sense of adventure, finding new recreation spots and everything they had to offer. One especially outgoing member, Christina, mentioned how she “enjoyed seeing all the waterfalls in the UP.” Shanya said, “Something I really enjoyed was seeing all the animals in Traverse City. The cows, the horses, and on our last day we even saw a bear! I also enjoyed all of the beaches!” 

YouthWork days can be long and taxing, but this team always managed to push forward. Through challenges and many forms of newness, the crew persevered and grew as a team. Alexis Brown (Youth Career Coach, BA Sociology & Urban Studies), their admirable and compassionate Team Leader, said this of their time: “The best part of the whole experience was watching my crew grow and become more comfortable with the work and the environment. Some of them went from not wanting to swim in the lakes to spending hours in the lake and continually asking to go back. I watched my crew use tools they’ve never seen before as well as tools they may have seen around the house. Another great part was seeing them begin to understand the positive effect the work they were doing was having and would have on the community and environment.”

Witnessing these unique and strong individuals navigate such unfamiliar professional and personal terrain was the most wonderful way I could have asked to spend my summer. The youth stepped far out of their comfort zone and absolutely soared. This partnership also created an environment for youth from different communities and backgrounds to serve and grow together. This dynamic is pivotal and aligns beautifully with our program’s ongoing goals. We are excited to continue this partnership at a greater capacity this year, thanks to strong and continued support from the National Park Foundation; SER Metro- Detroit; and the staff at River Raisin National Battlefield Park, who plan to host our teams for even more projects throughout the season.

Story by Mary Williams, YouthWork Team Leader and Member Support
YouthWork is Recruiting for Summer 2022!
Click here to learn more.
Winter Blues and Kids’ Behavior
Winter can be a rough time for children and their parents. We’ve all got the blues; we’re tired of being cooped up; and we’re tired of battling the weather. Kids’ behavior can get mighty squirrelly, and parents’ patience can wear mighty thin.

So, how can parents best deal with their kids’ difficult behavior? The short answer is: Don’t. All behavior is communication, so rather than address the behavior directly, try to understand what your child is trying to tell you. All behavior comes from an emotion, and all emotion comes from a need. Instead of trying to correct the behavior, try to find out what your child is feeling, and try to figure out what they need.

Are they acting out because a physical need isn’t being met? Are they tired? Hungry? Dehydrated? See if a break and a snack and a glass of water can help. (Not a sugary snack or drink! Sugar can get them even more ramped up and unable to control themselves. Go for water and a protein-filled snack).
Are they acting out because an emotional need isn’t being met? Are they lonely? Overwhelmed? Frustrated? See what you can do to meet that emotional need.

A time-in can be helpful – sit together quietly and allow your child to “catch” your sense of calm. Help them to identify and name their emotions. Reassure them that they are loved, that everyone has big feelings sometimes, and that all their feelings are okay. 

You can address the behavior later, when everyone is soothed and calm and able to listen and communicate. When parents deal with the feelings and the needs driving their children’s behavior, often the behavior will resolve itself. And while we’re at it, it’s important to identify our own emotions and needs, too, and take care of ourselves!

Karen McCarthy, MA, LLPC
Child & Family Services "Always a Parent" Class Instructor
Rick Summers served on the CFS Board for 9 years, the full term allowed by our by-laws. Thank you Rick for your service!
He shared this farewell message with our entire team…
To Child and Family Services staff
and board members,

I wanted to express my gratitude to all of you that work so hard to help so many families in our communities.

It has been an honor and a privilege for me to serve this organization over the last nine years. The ups and downs, the laughter and tears that I have experienced will stay with me forever. 

The work that is done every day by this group of incredible, dedicated people has changed the lives of so many children and families. Words cannot express my gratitude for the compassion and determination that happen every day at Child and Family Services.

The mission moments have had a big impact on me and my commitment to this great team. I will miss you, and I will miss hearing about the impact that your services have on individuals and families.

I take comfort knowing that the organization is much stronger and more nimble than at any time since I became involved. There is a great future ahead as we all continue our work to make our local communities and families stronger. I will continue to do all I can to advocate for the organization and for every one of you who is serving.

Thank you all again for allowing me the opportunity to help. Best wishes, good health, and blessings to all of you.

Rick
CFS has achieved a 2021 Platinum Seal of Transparency with Guidestar, showing our commitment to integrity and accountability. By providing information about our goals, strategies, capabilities, and vision, we are highlighting the difference we help to make in the world.
Child & Family Services of Northwestern Michigan
3785 Veterans Drive, Traverse City | (231) 946-8975
3434 M-119, Ste F, Harbor Springs | (231) 347-4463
Third Level/Pete's Place | (231) 922-4800