Stuckness
Alicia Reese
November 2, 2021
It has recently been confirmed that I have satisfactorily met all of the requirements necessary to be examined by the presbytery in order to be ordained in the PCUSA. This is a journey I have been on for eight years, and finally reaching this milestone has had me reflecting on all that has happened in the last eight years around my call and discernment to ministry.
I don’t have a burning bush, voice of God, prophetic dream call story. This is simply the journey I have been on my whole life and, somehow, I ended up right where I am.
The ministry specific chapter of my story began when I took a big leap of faith and decided to go to seminary. Throughout seminary and even in the years after I graduated, I struggled, I wrestled with God, I doubted myself more times than I can count, I questioned if what I had to offer is what was needed, and several times I considered walking away entirely, but I didn’t. All I can say is, the fact that I am still here, still pursuing ordination, still working in a church, is proof of the divine at work.
I’m not entirely sure why I chose this as the topic for this evotional. I suppose this is a way for me to let the reality sink in of being able to see the light at the end of my ordination tunnel by sharing this joy with others, but I think I am also writing it for anyone who is feeling stuck. Because that is how I felt countless times over the last eight years. There are a wide variety of “stuck” situations in which one could find themselves. Some are more complicated than others, some more life-threatening, some more permanent, but no matter the form, stuckness is always difficult, often frustrating, and usually puts a lot of stress on the individual and often their loved ones too. These chapters of “stuckness” are often unavoidable, difficult to see coming, and once in one, almost impossible to see beyond. We need help, we need resources, lifelines.
Prayer never hurts, God will always be ready to listen, but I am a strong believer in if you can combine action with prayer, you are more likely to get a result. I can’t guarantee it will be the result you expect or want. But I hope you know your lifeline can literally be to phone a friend. We were not meant to live isolated, individualistic lives. You have a tribe, a community. Reach out to them either for advice or a listening ear. The divine has most certainly been at work in my story and that work has often come through my people--my family, friends, colleagues, without whom I would not have even gone to seminary.
I hope that whatever it is that has you stuck, doesn’t take eight years to get unstuck from, but I also know that it could be time that is needed. Mostly I want you to know that you aren’t alone, you don’t have to be stuck by yourself.
And if you are someone who is not in a stuck situation, I hope you can find ways to be a listening ear, a stuck in solidarity friend, to those in your life looking for a lifeline.
Loving God, life is so sticky! Be with us in our stuckness, give us the eyes, heart, and people to help us see what lies beyond such difficult chapters, give us the courage to not be stuck alone and to take leaps of faith when they present themselves. Amen.
