Assertive Engagement Newsletter
November 2023
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Ambivalence has been a fundamental principle in Assertive Engagement since the AE Initiative’s start nearly 11 years ago.
In my very first Assertive Engagement class, I recall being utterly vexed by the concept of ambivalence. Was it possible to ever feel good about being pushed and pulled in different directions?
Ambivalence means feeling two (often opposite) ways about an issue at the same time. Being in ambivalence can make us reflect on multiple sides of a situation. On one hand, I feel strongly that teachers in our city deserve to make a livable wage and on the other hand I’m very anxious about how a labor strike in education might impact my household and my loved ones.
Sometimes it feels like there's no way out of ambivalence. On one hand I know cooking healthy and delicious meals for my family is important to me. On the other hand, my family enjoys going out to restaurants and that time is valuable to us. Both of these statements are true to me at any given moment. However, the rising costs of groceries is one thing I am NOT ambivalent about. All across the board, I’m feeling very certain of my dissatisfaction with the weekly grocery bill.
But suppose that my dissatisfaction with my weekly grocery bill keeps building. Eventually, I might say “enough is enough!” and decide to take steps to reduce the amount my household currently spends on food. That goal might lead me to adopt a new strategy such as deciding to only eat meals and snacks cooked at home. The impact of this “change behavior” would mean that my family would no longer experience the joy of eating a good meal at a local restaurant. It would be up to my family and me to decide if such change behavior was worth the trade off in losing those restaurant memories. Research has found that writing about your ambivalence regarding a goal significantly reduces the distress caused by your ambivalence. My family may decide to share space during a family night to write about our ambivalence regarding this new goal and decide if it is something that works for us. If our clients and coworkers are the experts on themselves, then certainly this is true for our family members as well!
Either way it shakes out, we’re all a little ambivalent sometimes. It’s 100% normal and a familiar landmark on any road to change.
Ambivalence represents a great opportunity to re-assess your values, goals, and needs in the moment so that whatever decision you end up making is the one you truly want.
The Assertive Engagement Team,
Rhea, Helen, Gabe & Ruba
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"The art of decision
making includes
the art of questioning."
-Pearl Zhu
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We all feel ambivalence in our lives, and perhaps especially at work. For example, say we support an agency’s aims, but are concerned with a lack of direct support in meeting those aims. In this situation, we might feel ambivalence about this agency. | |
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Ambivalence can cause tension and strain–feelings we, as humans, generally work to resolve or avoid. | |
When dealing with ambivalence, people tend to respond either proactively or reactively, through one of four approaches: compromise, holism, domination, or avoidance (Ashforth et al. 2014; Wu et al. 2023).
Compromise and holism represent the proactive responses, but differ in important ways. A compromise approach to ambivalence involves “finding a middle ground” between one’s ambivalent feelings, recognizing the trade-offs associated with each (Wu et al. 2023:474).
For example, imagine you were invited to give a public talk about an issue that’s important to you. On the one hand, you excitedly recognize this as an opportunity to shed light on this topic. On the other, you might feel anxiety about public speaking. A compromise approach would identify a midpoint between your positive and negative feelings, resulting in a more neutral feeling about the public talk.
A holism approach accepts both feelings openly through reflection about their differences and the larger picture, a sort of both/and. Holism looks like recognizing and valuing both positive and negative feelings (Wu et al. 2023). If we consider the public talk example, holism would encourage you to fully feel and accept your excitement and anxiety–contextualizing the talk’s importance while not discounting your anxious feelings.
The reactive approaches, avoidance and domination, attempt to end the feeling of ambivalence entirely. Avoidance relies on suppressing one’s sense of ambivalence all together, whereas domination essentially means picking a side: discounting the opposing feeling and disengaging from it. For example, if you took an avoidance approach to ambivalence, you might simply decline giving the talk, negating the ambivalence all together. Or, if you used a domination approach, you might attempt to only focus on your excitement, and try to talk yourself out of feeling anxious.
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Researchers recently found that employing proactive coping strategies to accept ambivalence may help people reduce strain caused by ambivalent feelings (Wu et al. 2023). | |
Importantly, though, using the proactive approaches to cope with ambivalence is more possible when people have some degree of agency in the situation causing the ambivalence. A lack of agency (or a lack of resources) may make feelings of ambivalence more extreme, and encourage a reactive response. Although reactive approaches can be prompted by a lack of control, they are not always negative or harmful. Indeed, sometimes resolving a feeling of ambivalence is more important for self-preservation than staying with it.
When faced with ambivalence, then, consider your options. If an upcoming choice is causing ambivalent feelings, try to honestly and accurately assess the opposing aspects of your feelings. Research and study the choice to the best of your ability. Armed with more information, make your choice, while acknowledging its difficulty. If, instead, you are faced with a situation, institution, or larger societal problem that causes you ambivalence, sit with the complexity and tension, employing a holism or compromise approach. Recognize there isn’t always a clean and defined answer–and that is really hard. Try not to rush to one side or the other, but acknowledge the underlying conflict in what you’re experiencing (van Harreveld et al. 2009).
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Digging Into
Cognitive Biases
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Have you had a conversation with someone and knew the information they were stating was incorrect? Did you try to correct the person by letting them know that they had the ‘facts’ wrong? Maybe you even used the internet to do a fact check from reliable and vetted sources. Instead of saying thanks, the person became upset, argumentative and claimed the facts presented are wrong or the information is fake. Perhaps they then reiterated the misinformation with more gusto. It is a common frustration.
The adage “seeing is believing” forgets that our sensory perceptions of sight and hearing can be tricked. This is why magic tricks which rely on the power of illusions can appear so real. Magic is fun to the observer because no one is harmed, and it is a fun way to believe something extraordinary happened without any real consequences. When it comes to misinformation, people can be harmed in a myriad of ways. That is why having access to the facts can be important. It informs the choices we make for our daily lives and the world we live in.
Technology and the advancements in AI has changed the world and how information is transmitted. Today, information spreads at a rate previously unimaginable in human history. It is incredibly easy to access the wealth of human knowledge. The issue is it is also very easy to spread misinformation. Once people believe misinformation, it can be hard to change their minds. There are several reasons why misinformation can retain a powerful hold on people.
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Navigating all the information that comes at us in the world takes a lot of mental and physical energy. Each person’s brain designs shortcuts to speed up the time it takes to do activities. This is particularly noticeable when first learning how to do something new. When someone first learns how to walk, it takes awhile to figure out which muscles to activate and coordinate movement. A person is wobbly, the balance is off and they are slow. As time goes on and a person gains the practice of walking, they do it without really thinking about it. It is because the brain figured out how to forge the connections that quickly enable the set of skills needed to walk with stability and swiftness.
The brain creates shortcuts for most of what we do including connecting a series of thoughts formed through associations. This happens quickly through cognitive processes discovered by psychologists Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman. Their work brought forth the awareness of cognitive biases which are a systematic error in thinking that impacts the way a person processes and interprets information. Biases affect our decisions, judgments and actions. Typically, we see ourselves as objective, logical and able to accurately evaluate all the information available to us. What we often don’t recognize are the biased thoughts we all have that are influenced by emotions, motivations, upbringing, social pressures and our identity. It is not until someone with a differing cognitive bias shares their experience that we start to pay closer attention because something seems off.
What are some signs of cognitive bias? Favoring news outlets that share your worldview, viewing others' success as luck while crediting yourself for personal accomplishments, learning some information about a subject and thinking you fully understand it, assuming others share your beliefs. There are over 180 cognitive biases which are captured in this cognitive biases codex infographic. There are a lot of ways for biases to creep into our lives. (continued)
Read the rest of the article.
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Celebrating Native American Heritage Month | |
If you're looking for a reason to explore the city and take in some public art, check out the We Are The Land public art installation. Emphasizing visibility with a focus on joy, portraits of local community members will be on display at multiple locations throughout the City of Portland. | |
Get your holiday shopping done while supporting local Indigenous and Black artists and entrepreneurs at the Indigenous Marketplace.
With two local events coming up, you have two opportunities to find unique, hand-made items by vendors with Indigenous/Black ancestry.
Their mission is clear: "Portland Indigenous Marketplace supports indigenous artists and entrepreneurs by providing barrier-free, culturally respectful spaces that encourage cultural resilience and economic stability by promoting public education through cultural arts."
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Indigenous Marketplace Black Friday Weekend
Nov. 24, 25, & 26
10-3pm
710 SW Jackson St
Portland, OR 97201
Indigenous Shop Pop Up
Dec. 6. 7 & 8
11-7pm
800 SE 10th Ave
Portland, OR 97214
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Never Stop Learning
There are so many books to read, podcasts to listen to, and opportunities to learn more. Here are some great resources to explore for further learning.
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Question of the Month
Are you feeling ambivalent in your life or work currently? How are you making space for these valid feelings in your life?
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Which one of these keeps you in a place of ambivalence most often? | |
October Poll Results
When you are in your Danger Zone, there is a pretty even split on how you all react, but slightly more of you get out of there! Here's how you responded:
Flight 33% Fight 22%
Freeze 22% Fawn 22%
Not surprising for our newsletter readers, you told us the activity you most want to engage in that would put you in your Challenge Zone is having a discussion with coworkers about something you are still learning 31%. Followed closely by learning a new language 29% and playing a new sport 23%. Keep working at it and you'll improve!
Lastly, looks like most of you unplug when it's time to restore yourself. Here is how you responded with your Comfort Zone activities:
Spending time alone 32%
Being in nature 30%
Cooking for friends or family 19%
Creating something artistic 11%
Exercise 8%
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Join us for our December Community of Celebration!
Where: 209 SW 4th Ave (enter on Oak street between 4th & 5th)
When: December 14th
2:30 - 5:00 pm
Why: To celebrate this year and each other!
What: We will provide snacks, activities, and opportunities to share and build community.
| Sign up to join our community of practice email list and get updates on future programming and events. | |
What is a Community of Ongoing Practice?
A group of people who share a common interest and interact often to learn from each other and advance their work.
There will be no Community of Ongoing Practice session in November.
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We have wrapped up all trainings for 2023 and are working on launching our self-paced online video module learning series and skills practice session.
We will post all 2024 training opportunities in this newsletter!
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