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To piggyback on my topic last month
The Blessing of Friends
I thought I'd share how I learned to like adults.
Growing up, I found the adult world confusing, incongruent, and disappointing. Some adults were vague and passive-aggressive. Having unpleasant
or complex feelings, part of being a kid, was inconvenient.
When adults gave direction, it was usually a command, not a request.
As a child, I didn't feel seen, heard, respected or
valued much of the time. In fact, I often felt like a burden.
I am not sharing any of this as a victim.
Being born in 1966, this was the norm in child-rearing back then.
Children were to be seen and not heard.
We were expected to be obedient, well-behaved boys and girls.
We did not have a voice at the table, or opinions that mattered.
We simply did as we were told, or suffered the consequences.
This was true in many family homes, at schools and churches, and in societal and cultural norms. People and God didn't like us, and Santa wasn't coming if we mis-behaved or dared to have a voice of our own that differed from the rest.
This was the 1970's and 80's... before the 'Awakening' times we are now
living in. It was pre-Oprah and self-discovery; before the collective quest
of finding ones' 'True' Self and expression through various therapies,
recovery programs, spirituality and gurus became popular.
Some say these were the good 'ole days, but there is a huge price we
pay when we use and abuse the 'power over' model with any human being.
We are seeing the ego power-trips (attempts to get power that we felt was lacking) and messy pendulum-swinging (too permissive) effects of this now.
I no longer blame the adults of those times.
They did their best with what they knew, experienced and had.
They grew up with generational patterns, many even harsher than this.
We are hopefully, continually evolving into more inclusive, loving humans.
The loss of my birth mother as a baby, combined with my experience
and perceptions growing up, made it hard for me to trust adults,
which made it challenging for me to like and love them.
This created an US vs. THEM split inside.
Children = safe, real, honest, kind, fluid, joyous.
Adults = unsafe, fake, manipulative, mean, controlling, stoic.
My preferred place at family gatherings was always at the kids table.
I felt seen, heard and valued there. I easily understood and valued kids.
Fast forward to the year 1999, when I started teaching Kindergarten
based on my wise Mama's suggestion to switch from teaching Middle
School, where I was continually struggling to feel successful.
It was something I initially resisted thinking 5 year olds were
too immature and I didn't want to be a glorified babysitter.
I wanted a career with depth, impact and meaning.
Luckily, from the first day those little ones walked into my classroom
at Washington Elementary School in Hawthorne, California
I fell head-over-heals in LOVE!
It turns out that 5 year olds are the very best teachers
to help someone learn how to like, and even love grown-ups.
In the Love Laboratory with these littles, I came to see that each of
us carries a timid, sweet, sometimes rambunctious, creative,
caring, kind, wanna-be-liked-and-loved five year old inside.
This experience radically and forever opened my heart to Love.
It took time (10 years) and consistency, but every class was filled with such variety of personality and pizazz, grit and grace, challenge and delight...
and I so easily adored every one of my kiddos for exactly who they were.
Living in this Love Laboratory helped open my heart to being able to see,
like and love adults, as they are. It's not always as easy with adults. Judgments, hurts and projections still surface, but when I really choose
to look, I can see the innocent and tender 5 year old in anyone.
My heart expansion and continuous inner healing work has made loving everyone, even difficult grown-ups, and shadowy parts of myself, possible... eventually. I am incredibly grateful for this education in being human, seeing our preciousness, honoring our inner children and their wholeheartedness.
I experience magic in every single child (young and old) I have the privilege to interact with, and I am forever grateful for the gifts they continuously share.
If you are reading this, I like you.
And... I love you.
You can thank a 5 year old.
In fact, thank your own 5 year old self.
Because YOU are precious!
Truly,
Teri Jo
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