I had an experience this weekend that made it clear for me that silence is not always a good thing. It started with a shopping trip to a pharmacy store on Saturday night. There was only one checker, a young man not older than 16 years old and three customers in front of me.
As I mindfully observed this young man, I noticed his shoulder length hair was split in the middle and hanging down in front of his face covering both his eyes making it so that only 2 to 3 inches of his face was showing: a small part of his forehead and his mask. Great look for a rock concert but not such a good look for a cashier in a store.
The other thing that stood out was he did not speak to the customers other than to ask a quick question or two, “what is your phone number,” “do you need a bag.” There was no greeting, no smile, no looking at the customer and no stating aloud what the person owed. The only words he spoke was what was necessary for his job.
His silence was so profound that none of the customers spoke while checking out. This was going to take a while since he was also slow in his movements. I knew getting frustrated was not going to be helpful at that moment. So, as I watched, I too, got quiet in my mind and in my body. I became very still and suddenly everything around became very silent. I’ve only experienced this kind of stillness during a week- long meditation retreat but never in a busy store with people all around me. It was certainly a first for me. As other customers lined up behind me, oddly enough they too said nothing. It was hard not to be mesmerized by this young man’s silence; they too fell under his spell.
I finally made it to the register, he asked me the mandatory questions and then placed my receipt and my cash on the counter and looked away. That was it.
As I walked out, I suddenly felt how uncomfortable that feeling of silence was, it was deafening. What came to me was “that was the strangest experiences I’ve ever had.” At that moment, it hit me, this kind of silence was not comfortable, and it certainly wasn’t stillness. I have experienced deep silence and stillness and it’s a feeling of ease, joy and freedom from my thoughts and feelings. This had none of those good quality, only awkwardness and uneasiness. Unfortunately, the young man was not exuding happiness, joy, or friendliness only pain and suffering. It’s possible he was having an off day, that’s always possible. We’ve all have had off days but, nonetheless, this experience was a reminder to me that non-speaking is just as powerful of a communicator as speaking and it spreads like a virus to everyone around you.
