"Coping With The Death
Of a Spouse Or Partner"
By Larry Hayes
The death of a spouse or partner is a devastating, life-changing blow
whether the death is sudden or following a long illness.
For this article, I interviewed older adults who have lost a loved one after
many years of marriage. They agreed to share their story in order to help others going through or have faced a similar situation. For privacy reasons, their names are kept confidential.
Married 55 years. 80, Widower For Nine Months.
Five Children, 20 Grandkids
His wife of 55 years died at home at age 77 in 2021 after a four-year battle
with cancer which was in remission for several months. Family, friends and church have been his life support.
“My strong religious faith helps me get through life,” he said. “I believe someday my wife and I will be back together which makes it easier to deal
with death. We'll be together again.”
Although experiencing loneliness, he has kept active in church, exercising
and socializing with friends. His neighbors call frequently, even bringing
over dinner.
He has high praise for Hospice which helped his wife die peacefully at home
surrounded by family and friends.
Married 48 Years. 78, Widow For 10 Years
Thirty years ago, she and her husband moved to the Villages Golf & Country Club in San Jose, CA. Her husband died in 2012 after a 2 ½ year illness in a residential care home.
“It’s been nearly 10 years since his passing and I have moved on,” she said. ”My life has changed very little. Still maintain my friends and activities. Volunteer work keeps me busy and engaged in the community I love.”
“Really fortunate to live in the Villages, a senior living community. People
look out for each other. Not lonely having so many friends my age. Always something to do.”
“Occasionally, I feel loneliness, especially seeing couples together which brings back fond memories of the life I had with my late husband.”
Social life?
"I had my first date a year ago which didn't go too well. Remarriage is out
of the question at my age. Male companionship would be nice for outings
but not necessary for me to be happy."
"Single men at the Villages have it made since single women outnumber men by a wide margin but I'm happy being alone."
Advice to couples?
“Talk and prepare for the end of life. It will happen. Plan realistically. What to do? Where to live? Health concerns? Money, legal issues? By all means,
seek advice from others including your family, friends and professionals.”
Married 44 Years. 78, Widow For Three Years. Two children
Her husband, 80, died at home in 2018 after fighting cancer for five years.
He suffered no pain at the end, thanks to Hospice.
“He was my rock. My balance, my everything” she said. “There is a big hole
in my heart that will never be filled.”
“I miss the trips we took, the songs we sang together, the life we shared, the little things. But I’m okay. I’m not afraid of being alone. I still read, walk, play the piano and socialize with my friends and go to church.”
Remarriage?
“I go out and have fun but will never remarry. My husband was the love of my life. My soulmate who can never be replaced.”
Online Help
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“Why Should I Work With a Senior
Real Estate Certified Realtor?”
A Senior Certified Realtor works with Seniors and their families in determining their housing needs and guiding them as they navigate through the home sale process. Providing support and
the resources necessary for a smooth transition.
If you are thinking about selling your home and asking yourself,
"where do I start?" Or, if you are looking forward to downsizing
and no longer wanting to maintain a home due to cost or the constant upkeep, a Senior Real Estate Certified Realtor can help.
Letting go of a beloved home where years of happy family memories were built has to be one of the most difficult decisions one has to make in one's lifetime.
“Mercedes not only beautifully represented me as we went through the process but she made the journey with me in every way. She did everything right leaving no detail overlooked from staging, pricing, timing and negotiating.”
“Thus, leading to a multiple offer sale and sold in a week. In choosing Mercedes I not only found the perfect agent but a caring, lifelong friend."--Wille L.
Feel free to call me today if you have any questions or would like a
no obligation consultation and Property Valuation. I can help!
Call 650.766.3910. Email: Mercedes.roses@compass.com.
Mercedes Roses is a Gerontologist and Realtor® at Compass.
DRE 01748726.
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New On The Market
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7011 Via Valverde, San Jose, CA
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Note: For a video tour of this property, go to:
Why Live In An Adult 55+ Senior Living Community?
--Carla Griffin, CRS, SRES, B&A Realtors, DRE #0071085
One of the best kept secrets in senior living housing is the Villages Golf & Country Club in San Jose, CA--the only active 55+ adult community in Silicon Valley.
Home to over 4,000 residents living in 2,309 condos and single family homes scattered throughout 550 secluded and scenic acres.
Gated community for your safety and privacy. Lots of activities, clubs and fun things to do. Prices from $400,000 to $1,000,000+
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November Is American Diabetes Month! |
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National Diabetes Month is an excellent time to bring your attention to diabetes. According to the World Health Organization, 422 million people worldwide have diabetes. That’s 1 in 11 people. In the U.S.,
88 million adults or 1 in 3 has prediabetes but most don’t know it. Diabetes puts people at risk for nerve damage, cardiovascular disease, foot and limb injuries, vision problems, and other complications that arise from having uncontrolled blood sugar.
Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disorder that typically begins before adulthood, in which the immune system destroys cells within the body that make insulin, a hormone that regulates blood sugar.
Type 2 Diabetes is a disease that develops when the body isn’t able to use insulin properly to regulate blood sugar.
Lifestyle changes can help prevent the onset of type 2 diabetes, the most common form of the disease:
• Lose extra weight
• Be more physically active
• Eat healthy plant foods
• Eat healthy fats
• Consult your doctor for routine screenings
and diagnostic testing
Physicians Medical Group of San Jose is the largest independent physician’s association in Santa Clara County. We have been part of the community for 40 years with more than 1,000 doctors in 460 offices, plus we speak 30+ languages. Call 888-988-8682 or visit pmgmd.com for more information.
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Chateau-Cupertino
Senior Independent Living Community With a Flair
Senior living doesn't get any better than living at Chateau-Cupertino whether you're in retirement or just ready for the next great phase of your life. Enjoy a home-life environment in your own senior apartment with three fresh served home-style meals daily.
Housekeeping and laundry services, all basic utilities, great activity programs, game rooms and transportation--all included starting at $3,000 per month.
Located in the heart of Silicon Valley, Cupertino is one of the best places to live in CA--home to world famous Apple company.
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ASK LARRY
By Larry Hayes, A050 CEO/Founder
"How Do I Find
a Companion?"
Q: “My husband died last year after 50 years of a happy marriage. I’m 75, alone, and have no plans to remarry but would like to find a companion to share my
remaining life with.”--Sally
So sorry for your devastating loss. Only those who have lost a
spouse can feel the loneliness and grief you are undergoing.
I have not suffered such a terrible blow but know that someday
it will happen to all couples.
By talking with those who have lost a spouse, this is what
I have learned:
• Overtime, the pain from your loss will lessen and you
will move on.
• “Dating” is for younger people. “Companionship” is what most
older adults seek, especially for women who are not interested
in remarriage.
• Take your time. When you’re ready, go out again. There
is no timeline or standard rules on how long you should mourn.
• Let your friends and family know that you would like to
meet someone new.
• Check out your local senior and community center. Join clubs. Volunteer. If religious, get involved in your church.
• Get out and about. Go to events, festivals. Join exercise classes. Pursue easy-to-learn sports like lawn bowling and pickleball. Take trips for singles.
• Try online dating. There are online dating sites for widows and widowers. I know several people who have successfully found a
new companion this way.
Finding and making friends is not easy at any age, especially as you get older. But your life is NOT over. You can be happy again.
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Got a Question? Ask me anything. If I don't know the answer, I'll ask someone who does. Email me at larry@activeover50.com. ASK LARRY
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Ideal Christmas Gift
"Social Insecurity" is a new book of charming, witty, crazy, offbeat, happy comics about getting older from the comic series "Under Cardiac Arrest" by John Donaghue.
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John Donaghue is an award-winning advertising art director and cartoonist from San Francisco. To order a copy of his new book
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Looking
For Senior
Living Housing?
Sue Gibson is with CarePatrol and she helps families find assisted living, memory care, board & care and independent living facilities.
She checks the state care and violation reports and only recommends safe options. She tours with her families to be there to ask and answer questions. She follows up 2, 7 and 30 days after move in to be sure all
is going as planned.
CarePatrol is a FREE placement service. Sue is compensated by the 200+ homes and communities in her network. She is a trained Certified Senior Advisor (CSA) and has helped over 600 families in the past 6+ years. And although she personally covers San Mateo county, there
are over 150 CSAs in her network so she can help you all across the
U.S. with just one phone call or email.
What people are saying about Sue Gibson and CarePatrol:
"It has been wonderful to work with Sue Gibson. She is competent, helpful and extremely knowledgeable. She has provided an invaluable service to our family."~Helen S.
"Sue is amazing! She guided us through the process of finding
a memory care facility for my mom with empathy, care and efficiency.
It was clear she had done the hard work for us. We were able to place my mom within 36 hours. I highly recommend Sue."~Diane P.
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Retirement? The Government Can
Help. A Little
By Evelyn (Evie) Preston
While there are many reasons people move around the country, statistics show that retirees often leave California, New York, Illinois and other high tax states to areas more economically friendly.
A recent Kiplinger’s Retirement Report notes that it’s more than escaping a state’s income tax--adding property, sales and local taxes can mean the difference of tens of thousands of dollars even between cities. And that’s not counting fees on utilities, real estate, gas, services, even non-recovered redemptions on cans and bottles.
It all counts when seniors begin to tap into savings and investments. Whether we get out of "Dodge" or stay put, it’s never too late to plan ahead and save that little bit extra. Being overly dependent on Government is not a viable retirement strategy.
Q: At least Medicare and other free Government programs
kick in automatically at 65, right?
Not quite! Medicare is only automatic at age 65, IF you start taking your Social Security benefits at the same time. Otherwise, sign up
for Medicare three months before and after that magic age or risk
a surcharge and possible delay of Part B.
Medicare payments come from your Social Security benefits; the more income earned, the more you pay. With no charge for Part A (hospitalization and inpatient needs), there are time limits with charges for exceeding them. Deductibles and co-insurance may be due, and of course, Part D for prescriptions requires coverage that costs.
Q: Where does Medigap Insurance fit in?
Realizing that Medicare is limited, experts recommend Supplemental Insurance to fill the many “gaps” in coverage. Even with Medicare and personal Medigap insurance, you may face some out-of-pocket expenses. The good news is that a healthy diet, exercise, less stress and good genes don’t cost a thing!
Q: What are some money traps for retirees?
Expensive changes! Expect the unexpected as you age. If you suddenly need money for a move or trip or to help the family, be careful cashing in annuities early and incurring a surrender charge.
Check which market investments increased the least in value if dipping into principal. Even an investment, insurance or home loan, reverse mortgage or credit line might incur fewer payback dollars in this low interest environment.
Q; Are there any money saving strategies that retirees
should note?
FINRA (Financial Regulatory Authority) improved its Fund Analyzer tool to compare mutual fund and ETF expenses. Check it out. www.finra.org/fundanalyzer
Long Term Care premiums and other medical deductions increased
if itemizing taxes. Even license plates are less. Know what you actually pay for home/car maintenance, advisors, daily needs and extra wants. Those who know where their money goes, always manage to keep more of it.
Q: What’s the SECURE ACT?
Setting Every Community Up for Retirement Enhancement was enacted in 2020. RMDs (required minimum distributions) from retirement accounts now begin at 72--to 75 by 2032. There’s no
cap on IRA contributions for older workers—the upside.
Downside is elimination of “Stretch IRAs” I noted before. You can’t keep Grandpa’s IRA proceeds growing forever. The money must be used within 10 years of the owner’s death.
Ditto for other inherited Plan assets. To offset this, 1) consider rollovers to Roths; 2) using inherited funds for living expenses while other funds grow and 3) buying life insurance for heirs that provide tax free proceeds.
Check with estate or tax experts. As of 2021, part-time employees (working 500 hours/year for 3 years) are eligible for 401k plans—a bonus for working seniors.
Remember: You are the Government; whatever you receive, you’ve paid for somewhere along the way. Free never really is.
Evelyn (Evie) Preston is a financial columnist for The Scoop and has worked as a financial advisor for over 25 years. She can be reached at 650.494.7443. Her book: Memoirs of The Money Lady is available at eviepreston.com.
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Your Local
Reverse
Mortgage
Professional
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With over 15 years experience right here in Silicon Valley,
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Q: Will the bank own my home?
The bank does not take ownership of your home; they simply extend a loan
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Q: Do my children/family members lose their inheritance?
No, a borrower may designate an heir of their choosing.The heir(s) will inherit the home after the last surviving borrower passes away and may then choose to keep (by paying off the amount of reverse mortgage balance) or sell the home. Should they choose to sell, any remaining equity after paying off the loan (minus interest and fees) would be theirs.
Q: What is the lending limit of the HECM reverse mortgage?
As of January 1, 2021, it increased to $822,375. Which means it's very likely you can qualify for more money.
To learn more, call me today: 408.722.0010
Marilyn Brown Ross Branch Manager & Reverse Mortgage Professional
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Clint Eastwood stars as a one‐time rodeo star who takes a job to
bring his ex-boss' young son home from Mexico to Texas and faces an unexpectedly challenging journey.
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Get The Inside "Scoop" On How To Enjoy
A Longer, Healthier, More Meaningful Life
in the San Francisco Bay Area reaching over 100,000 readers across multiple platforms including the A050 website and social media. For editorial and advertising opportunities, email: larry@activeover50.com. activeover50.com.
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