The Perfect Question

While reviewing the book Coaching Questions: A Coach's Guide to Powerful Asking Skills, Rasheeda came across a section that talked about seeking the “One True Question.” This “quest for the Holy Grail: the question that will unlock the secrets of the universe for the coachee” (Stoltzfus, 2008, p. 13) can be an obstacle for many of us.

In our desire to be a great coach and assist the person we are coaching, we get stuck on the thought that it’s our questions that allow the person to solve their dilemma – Mistake #1. When we get inside our own heads, it actually distracts us from our ability to stay present and focused on the person we are coaching and adds unnecessary pressure – Mistake #2.

I know this is a challenge I’ve experienced, so what can we do when we find ourselves within this line of thinking? The author suggests that instead of concentrating on the prominence of our own insight, we should simply Trust the Process. The right question is not what makes the difference, it’s helping to open the view of the other person so they can see things from a different perspective.

What else can we do to help ourselves?

Here are a few suggestions:

• Breathe – purposeful breathing gives us a point on which to focus and helps us ground ourselves
• Pause – pausing allows us the ability to be curious and more clearly view our options
• Ask, for the sake of what? – asking this question helps us reconnect with our guiding purpose.

Give it a try and see what happens!

Submitted by,

Barb Willier, Coaching Coordinator  (barwil@pakeys.org)   

Rasheeda Coston, Director of Coaching (rascos@pakeys.org)

The Pennsylvania Key                       

 Stoltzfus, T. (2008). Coaching questions: A coach's guide to powerful asking skills. Coach22.

Dressler, L. (2010). Standing in the fire: Leading high-heat meetings with clarity, calm, and courage. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler, Publishers, Inc.