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Apostrophe Catastrophe
There is probably no better way to make a bad biotech company name than to throw in punctuation marks. Thankfully, question marks and exclamation points are virtually nonexistent, but the apostrophe does pop up.
Excusing those that use it in a possessive nature (Dr. Reddy’s, Lee’s, Bell’s, Y’s) we have six companies in our directory, living or dead, who inexplicably decided to create an aposcatastrophe.
Phost'in
Biom'up
Par'Immune (RIP)
PX' Therapeutics (RIP)
Q'Apel Medical
Siamed'Xpress
From this list we can all learn one thing – names with apostrophes look like garbage.
Team Roast – Galderma (David)
Last week we pointed out a company who had four peoples’ photos and nothing else on their Team page. Galderma went further and has a single picture, nothing else.
So when you think of Galderma, think of this nameless old guy who couldn't afford a real iPad.
Quest for Leadership
Can a company really be a Thought Leader™? Obviously not, since a company cannot have a massive ego.
But in this self-flagellating advertisement masquerading as a press release, Quest Diagnostics seems to think they are one:
“Quest Diagnostics has become a recognized thought leader and innovator in COVID-19 research and services.”
Please.
And how about that title: “Thought Leadership Marries Insights to Influence”
A definition as the title? Is this a vocab quiz or a press release?
The Last Name
Back in 2011, Adeona Pharmaceuticals had the idea to switch their name to be about as on the nose as is possible and became Synthetic Biologics.
Well, it did take a while, but they tired of that one and last week moved on to name #3: Theriva Biologics.
Let’s hope this one sticks, because three names is the limit – fourth name means you have to pivot to SaaSCryptoAI. 5/10
Biosucks
Some biotech news outlets have long used the term 'biobucks' as a cutesy way of referring to money invested in biotech companies. You will never see us use that term because it's terrible.
Could you imagine a sports news website referring to 'Ballbucks' when players sign contracts? Of course not.
If biotech companies are the sole topic of coverage, it’s all biobucks so just call it one of the many existing words for money.
Team Roast – Big Hat
If you have an hour to spare, head on over to the Big Hat Team page and read a boring paragraph about each of their 42 different employees.
Come for “computational, statistical, and AI/ML techniques” and stay for “data analysis methods for flow cytometry, microscopy, plate reader, and next generation sequencing data”.
Zzzzzzzzz.
VAXX 4U? $$$ PLZ
Pfizer has categorically denied its CEO negotiated the distribution of 1.8B doses of EU-bound Covid vaccine via text message. Ok, but we all use text massages these days, so who gives a rip?
No, they couldn't have hammered out an entire contract over SMS, but sending a text here and there is pretty much like sending an email. Would Pfizer be making public denials about some email negotiations? Probably not.
Even if negotiations took place via rap battle, whatever...the EU got the vaccines.
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