November is a time of remembrance and gratitude. We remember and celebrate with feasts of All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Cemetery Sunday, and Thanksgiving - a preamble to our Christian seasons of Advent and Christmas. We prepare our hearts to be open to a season of healing and abundant grace.
Thanksgiving traditionally is a day set aside to GIVE THANKS. It is a time to learn from the past year with gratitude for the lessons learned, faith gained, and for cherishing precious time with loved ones. We feast on our favorite traditional dishes, tell heartwarming family stories, watch the Macy’s Day parade, a football game, and perhaps indulge in a family board game. But for the grieving, hearts may feel anything but gratitude. You may even be hanging on by a thread of hope that things will one day be better.
The key to finding gratitude while grieving largely involves adjusting your frame of thinking. Easier said than done, but gratitude is a choice, not necessarily a feeling. Be intent about seeking out at least one “good thing” every day. It will change your perspective from the internal pain toward a hopeful glance forward. It also helps to understand that grief and gratitude CAN peacefully co-exist. There will be times when you don’t feel grateful. At these times, allow yourself to feel the sadness. Gently lean into it. Sorrow is not a sin. Turn your perspective to one of LOVE. The pain you feel is not the grief but rather the LOVE that remains with you, that seeks to reconnect to the spiritual home where your loved one now resides. Give yourself permission to cherish that love, in both the joy and the pain. Be intentional in recalling the good things your loved one left you with. Savor them. Share those good memories and gifts of your loved ones at Thanksgiving and other family gatherings. Ask for and allow God’s grace to cover you when the sorrow surfaces. Then, find joy when the weight of sorrow is replaced by an inexplicable and divine peace. Quiet your heart and allow God’s presence to bless and heal your brokenness. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Read this month’s articles for more understanding of how to balance grief and gratitude this month of November and beyond. We are here to accompany you through this dichotomy of both sorrow and joy. Join us either in-person or virtually for our free monthly grief support groups. You are not alone.