Hello!
As a follow up to my last blog,
8 Signs That Your Child/Teen Needs Social Coaching, this week I address an issue that can be a barrier to learning social skills. Some teens are too anxious to even
try a social skills group, even when they know they need help socializing.,
As kids enter the teen years, parents become increasingly concerned that their teen is not making friends. The start of a new school year brings a hopeful anticipation that this will be the year that they find a friend group. When that doesn’t happen by November of the school year, though, parents contact us to see if we can help.
In our initial phone intake, parents explain the social issues that they have observed in their teen. If our program meets their needs, we will schedule a free trial group. Once parents have the discussion about a trial group with their teen, the rise in anxiety is often immediate and the avoidance begins. The teens will sometimes tell their parents that they’re fine without any friends and they prefer to be alone. Or a teen might tell their parents that that they actually do have friends after all. Teens will say, “I’m fine. I don’t need any help.” Parents are often at a loss when they know that their teen is having trouble making friends, but they refuse to try coaching.
Teens with anxiety will often say whatever it takes to avoid trying something new. Teens have worries about meeting new teens. It makes sense that teens would apprehensive since building friendships has likely been a lifelong struggle. They’re worried because they know they aren’t going to know any of the kids or the adults in the room. They also don’t know what to expect. They think of all the worst scenarios.
A litany of “what if” questions take over their thoughts.
“What if the other kids aren’t nice?”
“What if the coaches have me participate by having me talk to people?”
“What if I say something embarrassing?”
“What if I feel super uncomfortable?”
“What if everyone thinks I’m weird?”
"What if I think everyone there is weird?"
Teens might report physical discomforts like stomachaches and headaches. Parents try to figure out if they are coming down with an illness, or if the symptoms are due to anxiety. The fact that they are burdened with all these fears about socializing shows that they actually do need coaching. Social skills coaching helps teens learn how to socialize so the thought of meeting new people isn’t so scary.
Here are some tips that can help teens feel comfortable with trying the free trial group:
Empathy – We encourage parents to understand and verbalize that you know this is hard for them. Teens really appreciate having their views READ MORE
Warmly,
Nadine