Intentional listening
Every relationship eventually has conflict. At work, at home, even at Church. What do you do when there is conflict? Kevin and Marcia Myers offer a few tips on how to intentionally listen to resolve conflicts and better your communication. I have summarized one strategy they call fair fighting. Here are the fair fight rules.
Call a fair fight and decide when you are going to fight. Whoever calls the fair fight has to state what the problem is, not the solution, just what they want to fight about. There can be no discussion at that time (there are too many emotions). The couple needs to decide when they can have this fight, it needs to be a concentrated amount of time. This may be days, which can allow the Holy Spirit to work in your hearts before the conversation.
Comunicate- Four rounds
Round one- She speaks. You have to have a conversation about who will go first. If one is forceful and one needs to speak up, the forceful one goes second. Decide who has a hard time speaking up and they should go first.
Round two- I haven’t listened until she says I have. The listener needs to repeat back what they hear their partner saying. And they keep repeating until the talker says, “Yes you understand what I am saying, heart and mind.”
Round three- I speak. Now it is the other person’s turn to speak and give their point of view.
Round four- She listens. They repeat back until the speaker says, “You understand what I am saying, heart and mind”.
Compromise- Four Rounds
Round one- She presents a solution.
Round two- I make sure I understand.
Round three- I present a solution.
Round four- She makes sure she understands.
This goes back and forth until they have reached a compromise/ solution.
