How to Respond Well when our Children are Overwhelmed
Even when we invite our kids to talk, they may not be in the mood to tell us what’s bothering them. Especially when our children struggle with anxiety, fear, or worry. So when they do open up, we don’t want to shut them down. In other words, how we respond can make or break the rest of the conversation. Here are some helpful tips to keep your child talking:
Listen attentively, fully focused on your child. Let him see the love on your face and your genuine interest in his words.
Encourage eye contact. As your child is sharing, she may look away, which may make it easier for her to talk. That’s fine. But as you respond, encourage her to look at you. When she can see in your eyes that you aren’t upset or disappointed, your response can help break any shame she might be feeling.
Embolden your child to keep sharing by reflecting what you heard, such as “Can you tell me more about ____” and asking questions.
Normalize their struggles by sharing stories you’ve heard or things you’ve read, or even by briefly sharing a similar struggle of your own.
Avoid judgmental facial expressions or comments. You may not always realize what your facial expression is communicating or how your kids are interpreting it. So focus on looking attentive and showing interest.
Avoid spouting quick fixes. No matter how quickly you may want to react to something, breathe deeply and count to 10, if you must, before you respond. There will be time for a discussion later. For now, force yourself to listen.
Invite God into the Conversation
Getting our children to open up about their anxieties and worries—and responding well so they keep talking—is a great start. Sometimes just the act of airing what is bothering them in a safe environment is enough to cause their fears and worries to dissipate, or at least diminish power over them.
As our kids open up to us, we also have a beautiful opportunity to broaden their perspectives to include God.
Once again, use questions. You’ll remember when I asked my son, “Who could help you?” and he came up with his own wonderful answer: “God.” Questions often engage our children in ways that help them come up with the right answer.
Try questions like these to help kids focus on how good can come out of the challenges they face:
Can you think of a Bible story in which someone faced a difficult time, but in the end God used it for good?
Can you remember a time when we prayed, and God answered our prayers?
What do you think God might be saying to you?
You might be surprised at your children’s answers
Blessings on your week and worship.
Michelle Gerlach, Family Life
