The Magical Power of Uncle Johnny:

The Low and Slow Approach

My Uncle Johnny and Aunt Linda Kay live in Atlanta. It wasn't until I was in my mid-twenties that I began to understand and attempt to harness the magical power of Uncle Johnny. I come from a large Irish family with many aunts, uncles, and cousins. When a family that didn't live in New England came to visit, it was so much fun. The nights would be full of raucous laughter, bantering, and story-telling. Everyone would be anxious to tell their side, and the room would become loud. Uncle Johnny would always have this way of quieting everyone down. Cheerfully and calmly, he captured everyone's attention by lowering his volume, taking a quiet breath, speaking somewhat slowly, and choosing his words thoughtfully. He could artfully turn the chaos into quiet as he told a story or a joke. I noticed the magic of Uncle Johnny worked not only in moments of joy as well as when things became stressed and strained.

I truly began to understand the power of this wonderful strategy when I became a teacher, but I have found it works wonders as a parent, spouse, daughter, and friend. The trick is to remember to use it when you find yourself becoming dysregulated when working with others.

I think the crux of Uncle Johnny's magic comes from the concept of mirror neurons. In essence, this theory suggests that children will begin to mirror the behavior of the person they are with. For example, if your child is escalated to the point of yelling, stomping, and losing control, and you begin responding with similar behaviors, your child most likely will continue to escalate. However, if you take a deep breath, lower your volume, try to slow your own heart rate, and lower your tone, you will find your child (or anyone else) will soon follow suit. This technique also includes strategies such as sitting at your child's level so you are not towering over them, taking noticeable deep breaths, and allowing your face to relax with soft lips and warm eyes. It may take a few moments, but these tips will help to put yourself in check as the parent and model how you need your child to behave. Together, you can then move on the solve whatever problem is bothering them. Overall, if you want to help your child gain perspective or understanding about their behavior, cheerfully and calmly capture your child's attention the same way Uncle Johnny does.

Remember mirror neurons make mirror feelings.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend,

Meg