• How science explains why we are forgetting the pandemic.

• Calling your work colleagues or corporate team “a family” is a red flag.

• Traditional approaches to talk therapy may be failing Asian American clients.

• New research indicates that women are more likely than men to see the mind and the body as separate; this dualism is linked to emotional intelligence.



• Daniel Siegel summarizes the role of “pruning” in the adolescent brain and its association with psychiatric disorders.

Please check out the library of available blog articles and podcast recordings.

• Why Men Lose Motivation



• Passive Aggression

The Men's Group Seminar: Revisiting Cognitive Dissonance

First identified by social psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957, the term cognitive dissonance emerged from the premise that a primary motivation is to seek equilibrium in mental life by resolving the discomfort of conflict. As such, when there is lack of consistency between one's personal beliefs/values/morals and behavior, or when "two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes" exist simultaneously, “dissonance” arises in the form of psychic tension. Research suggests that the more personal, significant, and highly endorsed one's beliefs or values are, the higher the level of dissonance that ensues if actions taken are discordant with these beliefs.  

Popularized notions of cognitive dissonance often omit the second important component of this construct: once dissonance arises, people utilize a range of coping strategies and cognitive/emotional tactics to reduce the tension associated with the dissonance. These may include any number of activities including rationalization, justification, denial, emphasizing confirmatory information to support a view or decision vs. accepting disconfirming evidence, etc. For example, in her study Justify my love: Cognitive dissonance reduction among perpetrators of online and offline infidelity, Cassandra Alexopoulos assessed men who utilized Ashley Madison, a dating site oriented toward men seeking affairs. She found that justifications centering on the self-serving benefits of having an affair (e.g., it helped me feel young again or more positive about myself) as well as diminishing appraisals of the value of marriage and commitment were common pathways for reducing the dissonance of infidelity among the men in her sample; interestingly, she referred to these pathways as “dissociative tactics.”

Because cognitive dissonance inherently signifies a self-contradiction or “self-compromise,” i.e., a misalignment between one’s self-concept and current reality, indicators that dissonance may be occurring usually involve aversive feelings of discomfort, embarrassment, shame and/or guilt. Over time, these feelings may contribute to the onset of self-esteem problems, the suppression of feelings, psychiatric disorders, and interpersonal dilemmas centering on the fear of being seen/being “found out.” 

In the next in-person meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, June 3, 2023 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will explore the role of cognitive dissonance in the problems of modern life. We will pay particular attention to how dissonance negatively impacts relationships. Finally, we will discuss the intriguing view that long-term committed relationships and marriage require some degree of cognitive dissonance to accommodate the usual and expectable changes occurring between partners over time. 



To register for this upcoming in-person seminar, please see the directions below.

The Relationship Group Seminar: The Psychology of Control

One psychotherapist defines controlling behavior as “When one person expects, compels, or requires others to cater to their own needs – even at others’ expense. The controlling person targets an individual and dominates them in an unhealthy, self-serving manner.” Control exists on a continuum, ranging from subtle forms of behavior (such as bantering and giving or seeking more attention than usual) to significant direct and aversive dynamics that may ultimately manifest in physical abuse. Control typically develops over time and evolves into patterned behavior governed by psychological manipulation. Many signs of control in relationship dynamics have been well documented and include, among others, repetitive criticism, attempts to induce guilt, gaslighting, micromanaging, and invasions of privacy. The motivation to control is often linked to deep psychological vulnerabilities and a lack of self-agency. Individuals who seek to control usually harbor a history of relational disappointments in which needs were not met by significant others; consequently, fears of abandonment and/or engulfment, distrust, and not feeling recognized or seen pervade their interpersonal world. There is also evidence that control is a learned behavior, one that frequently develops from the modeling of controlling parental figures during childhood. Those partners who are subjected to controlling behavior in their relationship suffer a range of negative consequences including self-doubt, emerging insecurity, inability and/or fear of losing the controlling partner, and the development of codependent tendencies.

In the next in-person meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, June 3, 2023 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will discuss the psychology of control in relationships. We will pay particular attention to assessing early and subtle forms of control and will also consider experts’ advice on how to respond effectively to controlling behavior.  

To register for this upcoming in-person seminar, please see the directions below.

New Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Group Forming

A new psychodynamic psychotherapy group (for women and men) is now forming in my practice; the day/time of group sessions has yet to be determined. Referrals are welcomed (please contact me at 949-338-4388 or at jt@jamestobinphd.com). This therapy group will utilize the emerging dynamics among group members as a basis from which to examine characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and relating to others. The group will be a therapeutic experience and entry will occur only after a pre-group screening interview and preparation phase.