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ALWAYS WITH LOVE - EXPECTED DEATH

Sit at the bedside and just be present to the experience in the room. What's happening for you? What might be happening for them? What other presences are here that might be supporting them on their way? Tune into all the beauty and magic. Continue reading.

Words by Sarah Kerr, Death Doula. Her original video link is here. Mahalo Vicki Requilman for finding this post.

Scattered across American cemeteries are a handful of fascinating, poignant and unusual graves, commemorating the short lives of little girls whose parents wanted to memorialize them a little more unusually in death. Sitting like miniature residences between the headstones, these doll’s house graves are a striking example of non-traditional funerary art and changing ideas of grief, innocence, personalization and burial. Read more...

"Call me a killjoy, but I’m not a huge fan of the “happy funeral” trend. I’m also concerned that the term “Celebration of Life” puts unnecessary pressure on a family to “make it fun.” I hear it all the time: “We don’t want people to feel sad.” But sad is what we are supposed to feel when someone we care about dies. To deny ourselves that safe space to feel sadness is to deny and diminish the value and purpose that funerals offer us as human beings. You may want a party. But you may need a funeral. Sadness is not a disease we need to cure. It’s a feeling we need to feel." Read the full blog post here.

Psychologist and grief researcher J. William Worden, PhD outlines four basic tasks of the grief process that must be accomplished if a person is going to have a healthy recovery from the death of a loved one. The goal is to essentially love again! The model is described in his book"Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner". 

Acknowledge the fact that the loved one is dead.

Fully accept the painful feelings of sorrow associated with the loss.

Adapt to a new reality without your loved one. Develop new coping skills as well as abilities and strengths to adjust to the demands of life.

Emotionally reinvest in life again and direct energy towards new interests, new places, and new relationships.

Task Five (added by Ken Doka, PhD): Reconstruct Belief Systems Challenged by Loss.

Reconstructing meaning and purpose within the context of faith when loss has shaken the foundation of one's beliefs.

Santa Fe artist and entrepreneur Justin Crowe was awarded a small business grant providing technical assistance from Los Alamos National Laboratory to turn cremated ashes into alabaster-looking stones using a kiln. Since the solidification process for human ashes is similar to making ceramics, the expertise of the Lab’s ceramic engineer Chris Chen enabled Crowe’s company, Parting Stone, to refine a process that changes ashes into unique stones. The ashes of a 100-pound person would yield 25-40 solidified remains which will vary in shape, color, and texture. The stones can be easily distributed among family and friends, or placed on display. Here’s their exceptional story. You can also read the Los Alamos National Laboratory article: "Ashes to alabaster-like stones" (Nov. 2019).

FROM PBS FRONTLINE: Post Mortem-Death Investigation in America 

The U.S. started maintaining vital records in 1900 and by the mid-1930s all states were collecting mortality data. The death certificate is arguably the most important legal document in existence. It's the only legal proof that someone has died. The State uses it to stop social security payments, pensions and other benefits, and families use it to settle their affairs. This informative article addresses key questions: Is there a standard form? What is the most important part? Who signs it? Where does the data go? Can errors be corrected? Read more here...