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Yes and No

“Above all, my beloved, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “Yes” be yes and your “No” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.”
James 5:12

Most people know there are challenges when you move across cultures. Language, social customs and norms are different, and there can be comic and embarrassing results (see the hit show Ted Lasso as an example). I’ve had my fair share. One of my first ever emails to our Vice-Rector needed a total rewrite as so much of my (British) English was incomprehensible to his (American) English.

I can reveal the same is true in a cross-cultural marriage. My husband is a born and raised Houstonian. He is Texan through and through. I was born and raised in Oxford (England, not Mississippi). I am English. Cue many miscommunications in the first couple of years of our marriage when I thought because he said X, he was also saying Y and Z. If he was English, it would have been a safe bet! Yet he wasn’t; he was simply saying what he was saying. I have had to learn to listen and speak without some of the subtle interpretations I might use in my native land.

Speech is challenging; truthful and honest speech, even more so.

How good are you at really saying what is on your heart and mind? Of saying yes when you actually mean yes? How good are you at really saying no when you mean no? Do you say one when you really mean the other? Or to buy you time to figure out what you actually want? Do you vehemently say what you mean with such force you later need to backtrack and soften your response to more accurately reflect what you wanted to say? Do you speak euphemistically to hide your real opinion and risk being seen as anything less than likeable?

How good are you letting your “yes be yes” and “no be no”?

Faith in God is exercised when we speak, when we take the risk to simply reveal our hearts and minds in one way or another to someone else. We can want to pad our words with such strength or subtlety to avoid conflict, hurt or embarrassment, but to learn to speak simply and truthfully, that is an act of trust in God. To let your words be what they are—is to be honest about who you are and trust the rest to God.
The Rev. Dr. Suse E. McBay, Ph.D.
Associate for Adult Christian Education and Prayer Ministries
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