Saying Goodbye
Thor arrived three days after putting down the needle because he decided it was time to put his old life behind him. Thor had been here twice before, and he knew he was coming to a safe, understanding home. What he didn’t know was that he would not leave for 360 days, a new record for longest stay. Thor got a job shortly after he arrived. He will admit he dragged his feet a bit on housing, but in hindsight that lack of action is exactly what needed to happen. He received an order from social services saying he would now have primary custody of his two young sons. Suddenly, Thor needed at least a two-bedroom apartment, and in the age of Covid, that task was more than difficult. Newly sober, new job and suddenly a full-time dad was a difficult position to be in, but he rarely complained. He had always been a “runner” when the going got tough, but rather than run we talked about it. I was also a “runner” in my former life and totally understood. Run, he did not. He put his nose to the grindstone and started trying to find a place for his family. Unfortunately, his past came back to haunt him, and nobody wanted to rent to him. Employees of various agencies were enlisted to help find a place for the three of them to call home. The largest property manager in the area was contacted and convinced to give Thor a chance. Suddenly a move out day was on the horizon. I wasn’t ready for that news, just as I wasn’t ready for the Packers’ season to abruptly come to an end. I was happy for him but selfishly sad for me. He had been here so long that one day in November I found myself asking him, “Remember when I had that eye thing going on last April?” At that moment it hit me that he had been here longer than some of my past coworkers. It was time, so I set about preparing myself, but I still wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for our 11 pm after work chats to come to an end. I wasn’t ready for the deafening silence that would soon fill my overnight hours, because he was no longer here snoring so loud the whole house could hear it. It was somehow comforting and annoying at the same time. I wasn’t ready for the sound of the boys running around the house to come to an end, nor was I ready to quit seeing those loving little faces when they were hanging out with dad. Bottom line, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to someone who had been a true friend during one of the worst times of my life. When I lost SIL, the young man I wrote about last fall to suicide, Thor was right there. He listened to my anger that often turned to rage. He sat with me in silence while I cried, knowing there were no words he could say to make me feel better. Truth is, his mere presence helped more than I could ever find the words to explain. Last but not least, I will miss being able to text him when he is working (Subway) and ask him to bring home a ham and cheese melt.
We often hear that things happen for a reason, and in Thor’s case it is true. Had he not been here as long as he had, the boys could have possibly been placed in foster care, since he needed a place to live that was approved by social services. When Thor left, he was days away from his one-year sobriety anniversary. He needed that extra time to become more confident and secure in his role as a full-time dad. Thor did a lot of work, but he also had quite a few allies who saw the changes we saw and went to bat for him. Thor was used to doing everything on his own and was taken aback by all the people who cared and helped him. I would like to recognize these individuals publicly. Unfortunately, I do not know everyone’s last name, so I will have to use only their first name. It is my hope that they will read this and think, “Hey, that’s me she is thanking.”
♡ Deb with social services for helping with housing and bunk beds for the boys
♡ Makenna and Linda with Newcap for all the housing search help
♡ Amanda with Salvation Army for all the housing search help
♡ Terry, Thor’s AODA counselor
♡ The families who adopted Thor and the boys making it possible for them to have furniture and their very own Christmas tree for the first time. (I apologize for not knowing their names)
♡ Fearless Leader and Becca for continuing to extend his time long after his 90-day date arrived
♡ All of Thor’s housemates and our Katie who volunteered to watch the boys when Thor
worked nights
♡Thor’s pastor
♡ My husband who turned down higher offers for a vehicle we had to sell so Thor didn’t have to worry about transportation
If I missed someone, and I most likely did, I am deeply sorry.
