How Are You Communicating When in Conversation?
Can you communicate in a gentler manner? How do you sound to others?
At Pulse, we encourage sharing what has worked for you, and avoiding telling someone what they “should” do. Telling someone what they should do — using words such as “you have to”, or “what you need to do is” — can feel like a form of pressure to the listener. This can put additional stress on someone who may be in need of support. Here are some examples of how you may want to direct your conversation:
What you might say What you might say instead
You should…. You may want to….
What you need to do is…. You may want to try….
You have to…. What worked for me is….
The best thing for you to do is…. What I have done is….
You should try this…. In my experience….
By changing just a few words in your conversation, you will come across as more empathetic, a better listener, and nonjudgemental. Without knowing every detail of the person you are talking to — whether an adult child, parent, spouse, sibling, caregiver or friend — it is helpful to use language that is welcoming and encourages additional conversation. Comments such as “you should” can close a conversation and don't leave an opening for additional discussion. Try it, and let us know what you think.
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