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Using the Competing Conflict Resolution style




In mediation, facilitation and conflict coaching, we work to open up creativity in the conflict resolution process. That's in the upper right corner of the chart above. We help to develop a collaborative process where the result is a new creative problem solving outcome. These are win-win agreements. Conflict is diminished and communication and understanding is increased.

Competition conflict style is...
We don't always have the time required to do creative conflict resolution. As conflicts arise, our prevalent conflict approach is usually what we use. If you tend toward the competition style, located in upper left corner, then that's likely your go-to approach.

Everyone competes at times and it's great to have friendly competition--life is a challenge and sometimes we are in the situation where we are challenged to get ahead, win against all odds, drive to the top. For some people, though, the competitive style is the only way they know to approach conflict.

When is competitive conflict style a wise choice?
There are situations in which competition might be deemed to be the best method. For example:

  • when there are personal differences that not likely to change
  • when preserving relationships is not critical
  • when others are likely to take advantage of noncompetitive behavior
  • when conflict resolution is urgent; when decision is vital in crisis
  • when unpopular decisions need to be implemented

Deciding to compete, while having other options from which to choose, can be an empowering choice and can resolve conflict.

Excessive Competing
Why do people tend to compete? As per Dale Eilerman, in his article below: "The strategy of “competing” as a means of gaining power and control stems from early childhood and is reinforced throughout our years in school and college. Many children learn that they can obtain material objects as well as social control over people by using assertive, demanding or aggressive behavior. As they mature they use their talent to compete to “be the best”... or to socially compete to be popular and have status among peers. Some youth learn to deal with disagreements by persuading others to accept their position. Others use power negatively in the form of arguments, threats, intimidation, or physical fighting. " As well, individuals who are targeted by prejudice or discrimination may develop competing as a coping mechanism for survival purposes.

When is competition not good?
If competition is the only way an individual knows to resolve conflict, it's a problem. If exclusively competing, the individual is putting their own needs ahead and above the other person's needs. Treating one's own needs as superior is not right. Everyone's voice should be heard and ideas should be shared and considered.

If you tend to be the kind of person who only competes, the idea is to develop more comfort in encouraging others to assert their own ideas and interests. It's hard to change old patterns. For someone who is used to aggressively pushing to get their own way, this may be difficult. See if you can find a partner and try role playing a conversation where your ideas and opinions are treated as an equal part of the conversation and where you consciously work to treat others more carefully-- not as people to dominate, but as partners who will share ideas to which you will listen. Find other venues for your competitive drive--competitive games are a healthy choice. Trying to win at all costs when a conflict arises, is likely to end up with bigger problem.

Do this:

  • Read this article about the competitive conflict style

  • If you tend to be an accommodator, look for people who tend toward competition around you. Try to assert yourself and encourage them to listen and include you more fully--a win lose is not really much of a fulfilling resolution.