For most of my life I was a chameleon. I stayed under the radar, hoping I’d blend in and not draw attention to myself. I was full of self-doubt, so I molded my personality and beliefs based on my company. I traded my authentic self for the security of being liked by my family and friends because of my fear of being judged.
By suppressing my opinions, I was perceived as easygoing, but at what cost? I disrespected myself by allowing others to influence major decisions in my life. I didn’t trust myself to make choices for myself.
I withheld what I needed from others and was unable to communicate my emotions. My frustration of not being heard turned into angry tears whenever I did share my feelings. In return I experienced anxiety, guilt, and shame. It was a huge price to pay so other would accept and like me.
I became addicted to my story of being “broken” and compromised my integrity because my voice and emotions were invalidated by certain people. I used my victim story to serve as an excuse for my behavior.
You only get to play the victim once. After that you are a volunteer. ~~Naomi Judd
I learned how to use others to get the love and attention I didn’t give myself. I defined my self-worth by comparing the worst in myself to the best in others so, naturally, I always came up short.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are ~~ ee cummings
As I’ve gotten older, I have become tired of worrying about being inconsistent and acting differently around different people. It requires real vulnerability to be authentic. What if I show my true colors and people don’t like the real me? Honesty, even as I write this article and think about people reading about my flaws, it scares the bejesus out of me, but I’ve realized the world needs us to suit up, show up and share our true selves.
There is more risk hiding our gifts from the world than expressing them. Our unexpressed idea, dreams, and gifts don’t go away. They destroy our worthiness and confidence.
There is no shortcut to authenticity. It requires commitment and real inner work. We have to dive deep into our emotional messes and start feeling the pain we typically repress. We have to make a daily commitment to take steps to be more authentic. For me, that looks like:
1. Forgiving and loving myself. A good memory is both a blessing and a curse. Being content with just doing the best I can at any given moment.
2. Be willing to make a change and owning my mistakes. There may be perfect moments, perfect timing, perfect weather, and perfect outfits, but I am a human being and therefore not perfect. I will make mistakes. I will cry at simple moments whether they are happy, mad, or sad. I am my own person.
Nighttime is a struggle for me. I toss and turn trying to get to sleep. I can’t help but think those thoughts. You know… those thoughts that kill our self-esteem and make us think life is absolute doggie dookie. It’s like trying to control every move we make and still not being good enough.
Everyone needs to know the term “perfectly imperfect.” It means so much and can teach us a lot in one setting. Let’s say someone informs you that you have big nose. Yeah, you have a big nose. It’s one of your imperfections, but it’s still perfect the way it is.
How is that you may be asking? It completes how you look. You are who you are; a beautiful, imperfect being. All imperfections are what make you perfect. It’s because you are a complete human being.
So instead of going out of your way to make others happy, make yourself happy for once. Put on that amazing hat you don’t think you can pull off. Go out somewhere and dance until your feet give out. Don’t be who others want you to be. Don’t be scared to show yourself off for once. Don’t be worried about other people staring. Do your own version of a Happy Dance (and remember to dance like no one is watching)!
We are all so scared to be ourselves that we forget who we really are. We forget to appreciate our imperfections. Many of us need to take a look at ourselves and think of all the good things we do have.
We all have value and all of us are a little (or a lot) broken inside. Whether we see it or not, we are the most complex, amazing, weird beings ever. Time to get into the habit of loving ourselves. Get up and be the most perfectly imperfect person you can be.
Those 2 words are a beautiful compliment with a simple meaning: you are perfect in all aspects as long as you are YOU and do not try to be someone else. The little imperfections add to your beauty.
I’ve been very naïve and stubborn, but it also leads to something very precious in my life. I have other flaws. Since there’s no one perfect, each of us better accept the fact that we will never be that. Embrace changes and courage, stop trying to cover up and pretending to be perfect.
To be human is to be broken and broken is its own kind of beautiful ~~ RM Drake
