As my brother was wheeled to the operating room a flood of questions came to my lips, some of them were childish, some were clear and to the point. Fear was setting in! Fear of anticipation, fear of expectation, fear of the unknown, and fear of 'what if'. I was terrified.
Then 'soft inhalation, soft exhalation, deep soft inhalation, DEEPER LONGER exhalation'. My mind was following the Pranayama command. I started calming down. I could hear and listen to the cardiosurgeon's words explaining the surgical procedure, the length of the recovery and the time needed for total health.
I undertook my duties as I had to help my brother recover fully. I was busy 24/7. However, the most difficult task was to calm down my sister-in-law who was in a constant state of panic. Yoga came to my aid. Through laughs we did some very simple restorative asanas.
She liked SAVASANA the most! I benefited from the poses too. I regained strength of mind and body. I became reasonable and faced the situation with clear eyes.
I followed a short routine owing to lack of time: SIRSASANA, SARVANGASANA. I remembered Guruji's words "Sirsasana is a tonic and a fountain of energy for people whose brains tire quickly" (LOY p. 190) and I was tired, definitely tired.
Sirsasana rejuvenated me. Sarvangasana stimulated my whole body. My nerves were soothed and fatigue, lack of sleep, and anxiety disappeared. My mind was peaceful and I felt again "the joy of life" to quote Guruji (LOY p. 213). At the same time my brother was recuperating steadily.
Many times I have found refuge in yoga but this time I truly experienced its power. I was in shambles within, while I remained outwardly strong. Yoga gave me strength, support and serenity. Yoga became family within my family, it became a friend among my friends, it helped me face reality, accept reality, deal with reality but mainly yoga helped me face my fears and coaxed me to go beyond, to go to the unknown.
Returning to Kelowna I felt content, I understood SANTOSA (contentment). Guruji said "for one to feel content one should work from the heart not from the brain" ( Illumination p. 11) SANTOSA is Love, Labour, Laugh. I gave all that to my brother and sister-in-law. I am content.
With gratitude to Yoga and Guruji
Phofi McCullough
