Avery Rowles, MA, LPC, CSAT
Clinical Director
5 years at Sant é Center for Healing

Knowing When to Speak

"Good judgement, a careful sense of timing, courage, and prudence - these are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine. After we have made the list of people we have harmed, have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have tried to possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to proceed, we will see that the making of direct amends divides those we should approach into several classes. There will be those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we become reasonably confident that we can maintain our sobriety. There will be those to whom we can make only partial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or others more harm than good. There will be other cases where action ought to be deferred, and still others in which by the very nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct personal contact at all."
-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 83

"Step Nine is about an addict making amends to those they have hurt. It is difficult to know when or how to right our wrongs from those we love and whether it will benefit or hurt them. It takes discipline and guidance from a sponsor to know when to make these amends, to whom you should make amends with, and how much you should disclose when doing so. This step can cause anxiety and stress for many addicts. The one you are making amends with may not always be receptive or ready to have the wrong corrected. Reaching out to a sponsor or mentor is a must in these situations. It takes courage to open yourself up to others."
-Avery Rowles, MA, LPC, CSAT