"How are you?" alternatives

“How are you?” It’s a simple question that can be difficult to navigate under the best of circumstances, never mind when in the grips of loss or other tragedy. Distilling your current experience into a simple answer can feel overwhelming and impossible. This isn’t to say that those who are grieving don’t want share about their experience or continue to connect with others. What it means is that crafting alternative ways to ask someone how they are doing can help ease the challenge inherent in answering that question.

So what to ask instead? While families come to The Dougy Center knowing that it’s a place where people will make the time and space for them to truly answer the “How are you?” question, we know that having to answer it in passing, before they sit down for their actual group, can still feel distressing and confusing. To skip asking “How are you?” when greeting children and families, we instead say, “Nice to see you,” or notice something about what they are wearing, “Your boots are sparkly pink today!”

There many ways to invite people into conversations using more specific and potentially easier to answer questions. Just be sure that no matter what question you ask, it comes from a place of acceptance and willingness to be present with however they answer, without trying to fix, dismiss, or minimize their experience.

Here are a few options for connecting on a deeper level with someone who is grieving.

• Who or what did you want or need to avoid today?
• What is most on your mind?
• What do you wish your old self could tell you right now? What do you think your future self would tell you?

What’s been your experience either with asking or answering, “How are you?” while grieving? Visit our Facebook to share what else to ask (or not ask!).

Support The Dougy Center this spring with the Reflection Benefit & Porsche Boxster Raffle

Be part of this beloved Portland tradition! The Dougy Center’s Annual Reflection Benefit Dinner and Auction, presented by KinderCare Education, is coming Friday, May 10th. The largest fundraising event for The Dougy Center, this fabulous evening begins at 5:30 p.m. at the Portland Art Museum and includes a silent auction showcasing a gallery of children’s art, an elegant dinner, and a live auction filled with unique packages.

The evening culminates with the announcement of the 2019 Porsche Boxster Raffle winner! Don’t miss out on your chance to win a brand new 2019 Porsche Boxster valued at more than $61,000. Sponsored in part by Porsche Beaverton, tickets for the 22nd annual raffle are just $100 each and only 2,000 will be sold. Purchase your tickets before noon on April 10 and you will also be entered to win $500!

How you can join the fun:
• Become an event sponsor. Your business will receive public recognition, including a program ad, event signage, and more. Plus reserved seating for up to 20 guests.
• Purchase Reflection benefit tickets to attend this fun-filled evening.
• Donate to the live or silent auctions
• Purchase tickets for the Porsche Boxster raffle. You do not need to be present to win.

All proceeds from the Benefit and Porsche Boxster Raffle directly fund The Dougy Center’s grief support programs for children, teens, young adults and their families grieving the death of a parent or sibling.

Sharing our stories with StoryCorp

The Dougy Center’s partnership with StoryCorps and their Road to Resilience project is underway. Several Dougy Center families have already recorded conversations about themselves, grief, and the people who have died. Many of these recordings will be part of the StoryCorps archive and stored at the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress. Listen to the stories here.

Road to Resilience is made possible through the generous support of New York Life Foundation. The Dougy Center is one of six children’s bereavement programs across the country participating in this project. We are so grateful to both StoryCorps and New York Life Foundation for creating this opportunity!

If you are a current or past Dougy Center family and would like to record a StoryCorps conversation, please contact Jana DeCristofaro, Community Response Program Coordinator at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

The Dougy Center receives $169,000 grant from the duke endowment

We are pleased to announce that The Duke Endowment recently awarded The Dougy Center a $169,000 research grant to evaluate a new intervention for youth in foster care using The Dougy Center’s Peer Grief Support Model.

Through the study, teens in South Carolina’s foster care system will participate in support groups this summer using The Dougy Center’s evidence-informed model of peer-based grief support as part of the L.Y.G.H.T. program (Listening and Led by Youth in Foster Care: Grief, Hope, and Transitions).

“Because children and youth in foster care face both death and non-death losses, The Dougy Center’s peer grief support model can provide positive outcomes for this population as well,” said Dr. Monique Mitchell, The Dougy Center’s Director of Translational Research & Curriculum Development. “Our goal is to train agencies working with youth in foster care on The Dougy Center Model so that they can provide ongoing grief support to this population.”

Based in Charlotte, N.C., The Duke Endowment is a private foundation that strengthens communities in North Carolina and South Carolina by nurturing children, promoting health, educating minds and enriching spirits. The Endowment shares a name with Duke University and Duke Energy, but all are separate organizations.