Ever found yourself up there on the fence? When we find ourselves stuck, it’s often because we’re not able to make a decision. Sitting on the fence can seem like the safest bet.
Deciding is about the need to make up one’s mind. We tend to think of decisions as permanent and finite. We judge them as right or wrong, good or bad. We make hundreds of decisions on a daily basis.
They can be:
Obvious - we look outside, see it’s raining and decide to grab an umbrella
Automatic- we see a car coming and instinctively grasp our child’s hand
Preferred- we decide on a blue car because it’s our favorite color
Impulsive- just gotta have those shoes!
Tied to an emotion- desire, fear, anger, sadness, joy, etc. "I want, need, won't, should..."
About belonging- everyone else has decided to ...
Based on assumptions or beliefs that may or may not be true
And then there are those decisions that keep us up at night. The ones where you feel stuck and go down 10 different rabbit holes. It’s these kind of decisions that land you on the fence.
Why?
Too many choices, too few choices or we don’t like the ones available
The situation is brand new
We don’t know-- we’re missing information
Fear of getting it wrong
It seems risky- the costs and payoffs are unclear
We get caught in an all or nothing mindset
There’s a perceived conflict or threat
We resist in some way
Our thoughts trigger emotions that create ambivalence
All of these can create a narrowing in our mind and heart, limiting our ability to decide. So what happens? We might jump off recklessly or jump with trepidation. Very often though, we stay right there on the fence.
What if instead, we thought of decisions as experiments?
The Case for Experimenting
You’ve been experimenting since you were born- when you learned to pull yourself up by holding on to different things. When you tried umpteen ways to convince your parents to say yes. Today, when you try a new route to work. Some of us continue on in careers where experimenting is the norm-as scientists, chefs, musicians, athletes. artists, inventors... Experiments help us discover what works for us. When we know what works for us, life flows better, we are more confident and our happy meter rises.
Experiments are a fantastic way to reality test our assumptions.
Some of us like variety and are always looking for a new way to experience or do things. Others like the certainty of doing it the same way it’s always been done. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. But no matter who we are, inevitably, on occasion, we just get stuck.
The next time you find yourself on the fence - I invite you to think of it as an experiment. Notice if just saying that to yourself alters how you feel and allows for new possibilities. Sometimes it's as simple as that. The shift in mindset frees up space to try something and be less inclined to attach to an all or nothing outcome. Thinking of decisions as experiments offers us permission and promotes flexibility.
- Phrase the decision from a “what if” perspective. What if I tried…
- Try adding AND instead of OR to your plan
- Pick a small action step that is specific, doable, has a time frame, and a way you can measure its outcome
- Gather data
- Analyze and interpret your data
- Has your experiment moved you closer to a decision or further away?
- Take note and tweak or start fresh
Most Importantly:
- Remember, “FAILURE” is simply FEEDBACK
- Don't be afraid to Have Fun - Treat it like a game!
