News from The RADish Ranch
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Greetings!
Do you feel like your home is always in a state of chaos?
Does chaos seem to follow your child with Reactive Attachment Disorder around especially much?
Yes?
You're in the right spot today!
Chaos and the need to create it are trauma responses that our little ones have due to their past experiences. Learn about it below and find a couple of fun ways of dealing with it and turning it into a bonding and healing activity.
Stay safe and enjoy!
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Karen Poitras
President & Founder of The RADish Ranch
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The Chaos & The Logic
Chaos is very logical to our little ones who have suffered trauma.
When our children with high chaos metres don't feel like they are getting enough excitement to stimulate their brains they begin to create it themselves.
The trauma that our children experienced before joining their families determined what their Chaos Meter is set at. All of their experiences of fear, survival, abuse, neglect, worry, worthlessness, and shame added to the level on their meters.
When their brain has been in that high state of chaos for an extended period of time, it becomes their "comfort zone" and anything below that chaos level isn't stimulating enough for their brain.
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When we constantly try to keep the chaos level down around minor or low - with peaks to noteworthy! - so we can cope and try to control the chaos and stress going on in our homes, our trauma kiddos feel friction and feel more internal turmoil.
In order for our children feel the stimulation they need to grow and develop and learn new habits, they need to experience positive, parent-lead excitement at the outstanding and extraordinary levels. When there is this positive "chaos," their brains can start to switch from the negative, trauma-induced chaos and chaos-making to more appropriate excitement.
So, what to do about it? Here are some ideas to get the out-of-control chaos calmed down and to help bring in the fun, family chaos that provides healing and bonding and a boost to development.
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What it is: Crazy Play is a wildly exciting time of mess and chaos that is under control. When our kiddos have the excitement they crave in a safe and acceptable manner, it can help to curb their need for out-of-control chaos.
What to do: Crazy play MUST be done with a parent. Your child will not benefit from this type of play if they are doing it on their own or with another child. This needs to be a special time between child and parent (or with the whole family).
First, decide what crazy play you are going to do and have everything set up and ready to go, then set a timer for 15 - 20 minutes and start playing!
Another key part of crazy play is the clean up: once the timer rings, playtime is over and clean up begins. Work side-by-side with your child to get everything wiped down, picked up, washed, and put away. This should be just as much fun as the crazy play, but calmer. Clean up time is also a transition from the excitement they experienced back to "normal" life.
Use Crazy Play as much as it will fit into your family schedule. Once a day is ideal for kids with very high levels of chaos, but 3 - 4 times a week works well, too. Eventually, as your child continues to heal or it's time for new strategies, you can slowly pare it down to once a week, then a few times a month, then once a month, and lastly, just occasionally for something exciting to do*.
*I don't recommend going from lots of crazy play to no crazy play cold turkey - it can cause a lot of anxiety in our kids and cause them to act out more from fear that they did something wrong to stop the play, or that you don't want to have fun with them anymore, etc. Take it slowly over time for the best benefits.
Things to use/do:
- Washable finger paint OR pudding finger paint (vanilla pudding with food colouring); decorate windows, patio doors, plastic playhouse, or bath tub/shower.
- Empty out the container cupboard/pots and pans cupboard, grab wooden spoons and start a band.
- Empty out a few dresser drawers or linen cupboard and create a mountain to jump in and build forts with.
- Mix up some water and cornstarch (1:1) and glop it around the kitchen counters or floor (VERY easy clean up!).
- Shred up a pile of newspapers and pretend it's fall leaves to play in.
- Fill up the bathtub and add waaaaay too much bubble bath or dish soap and decorate the bathroom (and each other!) with suds beards and hairdos.
- Use white chalk to draw on the floors and create enormous murals or race tracks.
- Buy a bag of party horns and some confetti and celebrate with loudness and mess!
- Make a couple of boxes of Jell-O in large bowls or 9x13 pans. Once it is set get your hands in it and make a squishy mess! Have a Jell-O fight (outside), draw on the table with it, or create sculptures.
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Routine Chaos
Routine, positive, parent-lead chaos can become a regular part of your everyday therapeutic parenting life to help your child feel stimulated.
This can be done in a number of ways that don't take much time, planning, or effort (meaning it's great for tired parents!).
Schedule 1 - 3 "Routine Chaos Breaks" into your day. Each one only has to be 1 - 2 minutes in length. Add in bonding keys for even better benefits, such as hand holding, loving eye contact, and smiles.
- Dance to loud, crazy music
- Run around the yard yelling your favourite song
- Jump on the couch together (or on the cushions placed on the floor)
- March around the house singing, "hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go" (really great for right before chore time!)
- Drumming on the counter or table with spatulas and spoons
- Swinging
- Jumping on a big trampoline
- Racing around the kitchen table
- Animal walks and noises down the hallway
- Learn the words to a favourite song - at high volume
- Blow up and release balloons in the house (don't tie them!)
- Play a round or two of "The floor is lava"
- Have a family pep rally
Make sure you're joining in and releasing some of your stress and tension, Moms and Dads!
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“Behold, I will bring health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.”
Jeremiah 33:6
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Box 58, Mariapolis, MB. R0K 1K0
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