During my years as a preschool director, I have witnessed the stress and tears that are often a part of the beginning of every preschool year. Early childhood educators expect and are prepared to comfort a child, wipe away tears and give hugs as needed. My role was to be available to parents who also needed comforting, a tissue for their tears and a listening ear. I also learned that a hug can go a long way. Understandably, many parents are anxious and troubled when they leave their young child, often for the very first time,
in the hands of an adult they don’t know, in a classroom of small strangers. For young children, separation from parents on the first day, and often first week or weeks of a new preschool year, can be upsetting and their upset can be upsetting for us, as parents. I know this first hand, as I remember very clearly crying every minute of my long commute into NYC after dropping off my hysterical, strong willed, two-year-old son on his first day of preschool. Despite preschool years of wonderful teachers, he continued to cry every year
until first grade and I became skilled at leaving a crying child.
As you plan for your child’s first day of a new preschool year, remember, this is also your first day, and it is important that you are both prepared for this important transition. Here are a few pointers brought to you by a preschool director that will help support you and your child during this time of transition:
1.
Prepare:
While constantly talking about the first day of school is not advised because it can produce unnecessary stress, it is helpful to prepare with a number of positive, planned steps. Start by reading books about preschool (see a suggested book list below) and visiting the new setting. Driving to the school, walking through the door a few times and choosing a favorite toy, book or area of the classroom can help create familiarity before the first day. Take your child to pick out a new small backpack and lunchbox so they feel involved in the process. Pack an object that your child feels comforted by (such as a
special blanket or stuffed animal) or something that remind them of you (a small photo album or a special object from home). For older preschoolers, help your child choose an outfit for the first day and plan the lunch the night before. This can help in reducing morning stress for both of you.
2.
Arrive on Time:
Develop a morning routine and arrive at school on time. For some parents this could pose a challenge but being on time is essential in giving a child a sense of predictability and structure. Your child might not miss an important lesson if they come late, but children need time to transition in the morning, and this is one of the important reasons why preschool mornings usually start with free play. If your child enters the classroom when morning meeting or a structured activity is happening, it can be an unsettling way for a child to start the preschool day. Morning free play is the “warm up” time for the preschool day.
3.
Take Care of Yourself:
Children are sensitive to an adult’s energy and are especially
attuned to their caretaker’s verbal and non-verbal signals. Take steps to care for yourself so you can manage your own worries. Identify tools to reduce stress and find the support you need. Project confidence in your child, the teacher and the class by talking about this experience in positive ways as well as exerting optimistic body and facial expressions Visualize the parts of preschool that your child will like the most and use these visualizations to help you express positive attitudes to your child.
4.
Develop a Goodbye Ritual:
Rituals are anchors in our lives. Creating a special goodbye ritual with your child will enhance a sense of predictability and structure around the separation as well as promote a lasting connection. This ritual will clearly mark the moment you leave and the teacher becomes the primary caretaker for the day. A fist pump, high five, two kisses or a push out the door can all be loving rituals that can be paired with your goodbye. The most important part of this ritual is to leave when you say
goodbye even if your child begins to cry. Returning to your child at this point, might be reinforcing the behavior. Comforting crying children is part of a teachers’ job. They are professional comforters; trust them – your child will stop crying and will start engaging in play. Keep in mind that every child makes this transition at their own pace.
5.
Say Goodbye:
Saying goodbye to your child in a meaningful way before you leave the room can be highly helpful to your child’s positive transition to school. Try to clear your morning schedule, especially during the first few days of school, so that you don’t feel rushed when dropping off your child. If allowed by the school, you may want to stay for a bit until your child leaves your side to engage in play. Once your child seems calm, give a
warm hug, say goodbye using your goodbye ritual and walk out the door with confidence. Remember to smile as you leave. Your child may cry, which is very normal. If your child refuses to leave your side, partner with a teacher to connect with your child. While it can feel tempting, sneaking out without your child noticing can increase feelings of abandonment and create mistrust. Always say goodbye before you leave. If your child is clinging to you, a teacher might join in to gently peel your child from your side and provide comfort to your child. It is a challenging way to start the day, but eventually parting ways
will feel routine.
6.
Stay Connected:
Many schools have phone apps that parents can check throughout
the day to stay connected by seeing pictures and reading notes from the classroom. This can be helpful in reducing your concerns. If the school does not have that type of system, you can ask the teacher if sending a quick photo is possible. Inquire about additional ways that your child’s preschool promote your sense of connection. These might include, volunteering opportunities, conferences, daily emails or periodic newsletters.
7.
Plan Your Reunion
: A common worry for children in preschool age is that their caretaker might not come back. Set a consistent pick up routine that is known to both you and your child. Reassure your child that you will reunite later in the day specifying when that would be (for ex: after nap time or in the evening). When reuniting with your child celebrate his/her preschool day by connecting in a playful, present way that demonstrate your pride in them.
8.
Expect Morning Tears:
If your child cries at drop off on day #1, be prepared for crying on day #2. If your child doesn’t cry on day #1, don’t be surprised if there is crying on day #2, 3, and/or 4. Every child settles in their own time. Often, the crying at drop off is just a message to you that you will be missed, and the crying stops soon after you walk out the door. It’s easy to feel guilty when there is crying, but remember – your child is safe in
a place where there are adults to care for them, other children who will quickly become friends, opportunities for engaging in play and learning, food served when hungry and a chance to take a nap. That could be a description of the perfect day even for adults.
The beginning of preschool marks the start of a new chapter for your child and you. New beginnings are hard for many of us, but change is also an essential element for growth. Think of this as an amazing opportunity for your child’s physical, cognitive, and social/emotional development and an endeavor that will bring many “firsts” for you to celebrate together.
