Q: How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
A: A pumpkin patch.
Charles: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
Mary: I haven't a clue.
Charles: Peach gobbler!
Danny: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Jake: Beats me.
Danny: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Pedro: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
Ordep: What?
Pedro: "Quack! Quack!"
Chas: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to at the first Thanksgiving feast?
Tom: What kind?
Chas: Plymouth Rock!
Sister: Mom wants your to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.
Brother: Why? Is it broken?
Kevin: What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
Jake: I don't know. What?
Kevin: Lucky.
Pee Wee: Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Pedro: Yes, of course! A building can't jump at all.
Q. If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
A. Scholar ships.
Q. What did sick people do on the Mayflower?
A. They went to the dock!
Q: When do you serve tofu turkey?
A: Pranksgiving.
Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!
Q: What do you call a running turkey?
A: Fast food.
Q: What was the turkey suspected of?
A: Fowl play.
Q: What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving,"
Little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an ghost?
A: A poultrygeist!
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
A: To prove he wasn't a chicken!
Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?
A: Goblet.
A woman in her seventies, cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time, called Butterball for help.
Her mother said she was tired of cooking and it was time her daughter learned how to prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
One caller to Butterball's Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line had always cut the legs off the turkey before putting it in the oven, thinking that was how you had to cook a turkey. She later learned that the only reason her mom had been doing that was because their oven had been so small that that was the only way to get the bird into the oven!
"Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence."-Erma Bombeck
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."-Jim Davis.