Inside this issue:
- News from the Wendt Center
- A fun game that's all about emotions
- A unique way we're making an impact in schools
- Interview with a Camp volunteer
- 3 tips for how to grieve and parent at the same time
- 44th Anniversary Benefit
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News from the Wendt Center
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Camp Forget-Me-Not/Camp Erin DC 2019 was a huge success! 61 campers enjoyed a weekend of art, play, friendship, and healing. 84 devoted volunteers witnessed and held space for the healing journeys of these incredible children and teenagers. Thank you to everyone who supported Camp this year!
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We are thrilled to welcome our newest employees to the Wendt Center. Welcome Claire Bernstein, Laurie Blair, Alexa Cavaseno (not pictured), Jill Jacobs, and Tilysha Reeves. We are honored to have you with us.
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The Resilient Scholars Project is preparing for the 2019-2020 school year. This upcoming year, RSP will provide school-based group mental health services to elementary, middle, and high school students in 26 different DC public and public charter schools.
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Ana Ponce, LICSW, and Lindsay He, LGSW, from our Resilient Scholars Project show off a fun game they play with kids that's all about emotions!
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Wendt Center Crisis Response in DC Schools
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A teacher has died; a student has gone missing. Horrible, unexpected tragedy strikes every day. It disrupts our sense of safety and stability. It can make us feel like a train barreling down the tracks without any way to slow down. When these tragedies occur at school, whole communities are impacted and disrupted. DC school mental health teams are well equipped to address the day-to-day needs of students. But grief and trauma are not day-to-day, they are exceptional and require specialized skills and expertise. When crisis strikes at DC schools and faculty call for help, the Wendt Center picks up the phone.
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The Wendt Center deploys clinicians to work with faculty and school mental health teams following sudden tragedy. “The trauma that can come with death can make [school] clinicians feel unmoored,” says Melissa Sellevaag, Director of Training and Education at the Wendt Center. “They just don’t have enough of a foundation in [grief] to be able to know what they’re doing. When in reality you need to know that you can’t fix it. You can only sit and hold and witness.” That is what the Wendt Center does best.
The Wendt Center works with school faculty to ensure they are equipped to support their students. The first step in this process is often to help faculty regain some control over their reactions to the crisis. Clinicians accomplish this with a mixture of hands-on techniques; such as breathing, meditation, and grounding through attunement to cardinal senses. They also provide fundamental psychoeducation that normalizes and validates the feelings of faculty members. Grief can often feel like your thoughts are out of control, like you’re losing your mind. Sellevaag explains, “what they’re experiencing is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation and [we make sure] they feel a little more grounded in this moment and into tomorrow and the next day.” Once school staff are stabilized, the Wendt Center then focuses on building the core competency of staff to work with their students to help them process their own difficult emotions.
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We had the immense pleasure of interviewing Katie Moore this summer. Katie is a senior at Penn State, majoring in Human Development and Family Studies. Camp Forget-Me-Not/Camp Erin DC 2019 was Katie's first time volunteering for the Wendt Center and we were honored to have her.
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How did you get involved with the Wendt Center?
I am a student at Penn State and I was trying to figure out what to do with my summer, to incorporate something meaningful into it because I’m studying Human Development. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and Camp Forget-Me-Not popped up as an option. So I looked into it. It was actually my career adviser on campus. I was super excited and I came home and talked about this experience like, “this is going to be really great. It’s in the area. It’s perfect.” And then I realized it was connected to the Wendt Center which is so funny because my family has been connected to the Wendt Center for awhile. So that’s how I found out about it.
What is Human Development?
The whole title is “Human Development and Family Studies.” It’s this broad major for my undergrad that can hopefully lead to the social work track or nursing or law school. If you want a job that’s out there helping people, this is a cool thing that my school offers.
Where do you want to take it?
I’m hoping to look at social work as my next path. I think a Masters in social work would be awesome. I’ve actually changed my major a bunch of times. So I’m still figuring out exactly what the future’s going to look like and this is a nice way to not know for sure yet, but this is the world that I want to be a part of.
What kind of volunteering have you done for the Wendt Center so far?
This is my first time doing anything for the Wendt Center. So I was just a volunteer for Camp this year, for the summer.
How was it?
Oh, it was amazing! It was amazing. I was super nervous. I feel like sometimes I don’t feel like an adult yet, you know?
I do know.
Right?
[Laughs.]
Not the kid at summer camp. The adult at summer camp. So, I was getting ready to go and not sure what it was going to be like and just not knowing what to expect at all. Was the grief part going to be too intense or too hard? And, I don’t know, I just left [after the closing ceremony] and it was like…I actually saw a couple of us volunteers, as soon as they got into our car, just started crying.
[Laughs.]
Just how intense the weekend was. But it was not [intense] in a bad way at all. The whole weekend was just beautiful.
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Three Helpful Tips for Grieving While Parenting
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In times of great personal loss, it is common for parents and caregivers to need to play two roles, both griever of their own loss and supporter of their child’s loss. In fact, as a child and family therapist at the Wendt Center, Stephanie Handel typically meets with the parents or caregivers first before beginning therapy with their child. She explains it is important that parents and caregivers “are always given their own space to fully acknowledge the depth of the loss….this gives the moment for me as a therapist to invite that parent to express their feelings, their thoughts, their experiences, their relationship with the person who died.”
In these sessions, parents and caregivers often share their concerns. Very often, they struggle to conceal their own grief from their child. However, Handel assures parents and caregivers that children, regardless of age, will always worry about a grieving parent. Instead of simply establishing a barricade between your child and your emotions, here are three things to keep in mind that will help you to balance the demands of grief and parenting.
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Share your grief with your child in an age appropriate way.
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Emotions related to grief often come on us unexpectedly. We might be cleaning the kitchen one moment and huddled at the table sobbing the next. Parents and caregivers need the space to explore their own emotions and small children often have big eyes and ears. Because of grief, your child may see you in emotional pain for the first time in their lives. They may notice your behavior has changed. At any age, change is scary, but children may especially experience anxiety related to perceived differences in the household dynamic.
Remember though that children also look to the adults in their lives to model behavior, including in times of grief. It is important to talk to your child in an age appropriate way about your grief, and reassure them that you can still take care of them and provide for their needs.
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You might say, “I may look sad, but I can still get you dinner and get you to school on time and make sure our family does things together. However, I want you to know that you’re seeing me express these emotions because the death has really affected me.” Keep in mind, as parent or caregiver, your job is to take care of your child. Sharing your emotions openly and honestly with your child is important but should never put your child in a position where they feel like they have to take care of you. Even if your child seems especially mature for their age, they are still hearing you from the vantage point of very limited life experience. Because of this, Handel recommends aiming for communicating the broad themes about your grief.
Don’t worry: children are excellent at communicating their needs, including their need for more information. When your child feels ready to absorb more information, they will often come to you with questions. Know that, if you give them the space to do so, children will almost always advocate for their own needs, either verbally or through their behavior.
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Get ready for our 44th Anniversary Benefit!
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The Wendt Center Annual Benefit is a wonderful tradition where Washingtonians gather with old friends, make new connections,
and support your favorite cause. The evening includes a cocktail hour, dinner, and an auction with great items. CNN's David Gregory will return to emcee. We hope to see you there!
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Thank you for reading. Your support makes our work possible.
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Let's Continue the Healing Conversation!
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