Learning to Live Log
Thoughts on Cancer Survivorship and Building a Life Beyond
|
|
6,205 Things that
Scared
Enriched Me
September 19, 2019
|
|
Autumn brings reminders of a pact that I made with myself 17 years ago this month. It starts to wash over me even before the feelings evolve into concrete thought. Perhaps it is the way the sunlight hits the leaves on the trees creating shadows mid-afternoon. Of course, there are the more obvious signs the season has changed: football playing across screens, yard toys of summer replaced by rakes and leaves, and fabric on our arms now where the summer sun once kissed us unhindered.
|
|
Photo:
Man and Freedom
by Ivan Mestrovic, 1954. Cast bronze. Entrance Hall of Mayo Clinic, Rochester, MN. Mestrovic said while creating this piece, "To all living beings...individual freedom is the most precious.To be completely free, not only physically, but, spiritually, he must master so much in his own self..." Photo Credit, the Author.
|
|
Funny how I can’t seem to remember the origins of something that has come to define how I walk through my days. But, there it is.
Do one thing every day that scares you.**
I may not remember the scenario in which the statement entered my awareness, but the context of that September day is cemented in my mind. Only weeks had passed since receiving my clean bill of health from a first episode of cancer. I was unemployed and living in a small two-bedroom apartment with my sister. By all measures I was adrift with very little on which to get a foothold.
Never could I have imagined how my life would be transformed in mere months (meeting two U.S. Presidents was just the start).
Hang on for the end folks.
And there it was – that singular bold statement.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
|
|
Months into survivorship, everything in me wanted to hide. I was embarrassed about my physical appearance and so beaten down by my treatment experience I had little self-confidence left. Thrown in for good measure was my naturally fearful personality. Lucky me. Just picking up the phone for one cold call had my knees knocking and my heart racing. Scared? Oh, you bet!
What has astounded me is the profound impact of following through on this command. The bold ability to say “Yes” just once a day, when every cell in one’s body is pushing toward “No,” changes an entire trajectory.
But, let’s leave me for a moment with the circa 2002 corded phone still cradled in my hand and the cold call mid-sentence. Eleanor Roosevelt has something to say about the matter.
The former first lady often is mis-attributed with the quote, but for good reason. It seems that she was something of a pro at confronting fear, and her advice is about as good as any coming out of a modern psychology textbook.
|
|
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
-Former U.S. First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
If you are like me, I read this statement and my mind suddenly jumps to images of achievements that populate the screens on our devices: marathons run, rooftop rescues, and academic awards won. Those things are great, but we miss the point entirely. The question is for each one of us to answer. What must
I
do that
I
think
I
can’t? What scares
me
? The answers are different for everyone.
We aren't talking about doing dangerous things here - like the kind that would have me pointing my finger and saying, "Don't do this at home kids!" I'm talking about stuff that propels your life
forward
and
enriches
it.
For some it may mean knocking on your child’s door, asking her to put down the device, and instigating an honest conversation about a concern that has been bothering you. For others, it may be looking someone you love in the eye and saying “I’m sorry” with no “buts” or justifications to follow.
|
|
Here’s the deal, or at least what my experience has taught me over these years. Life has a way of honoring our intention. Even the smallest moves toward “yes” seem to be rewarded. In the primary classroom of life, those doing the scary stuff seem to end up with the gold stars.
The downside is (if I’m going to be honest) it doesn’t seem to get easier. If we really are doing “scary,” the bar gets higher as we grow. The good news is that over time one can observe the huge piles of amazing things that have enriched life because we dared to say “yes.” The 6,205 things that scared me over these 17 years have made my life meaningful beyond measure.
|
|
The bold ability to say
“Yes”
just once a day, when every cell in one’s body is pushing toward
“No,”
changes an entire trajectory.
|
|
It hasn’t been pretty. Yes, my voice can shake during a speech, my legs become like Jell-O in an introduction, and my brain can freeze with no words on my tongue when they are so desperately needed.
Doing scary can be humbling.
|
|
A single act from my own journey enters my mind as I smell the crisp Autumn air. I was just weeks into this practice all those years ago. One of my closest friends approached me with an opportunity. The Carter Center was hosting a national symposium on mental health policy in a few weeks. I should join her and volunteer at this event where Mrs. Carter would be present. The naturally cautious me raised lots of questions to try to stall giving an answer. This opportunity fell way out of my comfort zone. My friend persisted and won. I said, "Yes."
A lot of handwringing brought me nearly past the deadline to submit the background check form via mail. Racing against the clock, I looked for a business envelope in which to mail the completed document. After a thorough search and with no success, I spotted the pile of medical bills on my desk with their accompanying courtesy envelopes. The final result was my Carter Center background check document delivered in a medical bill envelope complete with the clear address window intended for a medical practice.
That one small but “scary” step was just the beginning of many that launched me into a 15-year career at The Carter Center. As if on cue, on my first day of work I watched President Carter receive the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo via a live feed into The Carter Center. There, standing before me on the screen, was possibly one of the most powerful models of what can happen when one says “yes” in the face of the seemingly impossible.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
I dare you to do it.
|
|
Life has a way of honoring our intention...In the primary classroom of life, those doing the scary stuff seem to end up with the gold stars.
|
|
** A Note for Readers
The statement "Do one thing every day that scares you" is attributed to Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune in a 1997 column “Advice, like youth, probably wasted on the young" and used by Baz Luhrmann in a 1999 song.
|
|
Missed a Log Post?
September 5, 2019
August 22, 2019
If you like what you are reading, share it by using the social media buttons at the top of the page.
|
|
|
Interested in Joining the Journey?
If you are a new reader and wish to subscribe to the Log, click
here
. To discontinue receiving this Log, please click unsubscribe at the bottom of this page.
|
|
About the Learning to Live Log (LLL)
This Log is created and written by Rebecca Palpant Shimkets, a two-time cancer survivor with an over two-decade career in mental health specializing in media depictions of mental illnesses and building programs in the domestic U.S. and internationally. The LLL is a bi-weekly email for colleagues and friends and new readers that explores mental health and post-treatment cancer survivorship. Rebecca is writing a book on the topic and you can learn more at
www.survivingthebook.com
. Encourage colleagues and friends to subscribe and see previous Log posts by sharing this email, visiting
www.survivingthebook.com
or emailing rebecca@rpalpantshimkets.com.
Follow on social media by clicking the buttons at the bottom of this page.
|
|
|
|
Copyright © 2019
Rebecca Palpant Shimkets.
All Rights Reserved.
To contact via email rebecca@rpalpantshimkets.com or connect via social media channels.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
