“Live life like it is a marathon, not a sprint.”
Phillip C. McGraw
Dear Parents and Friends of St. Michael’s School,
Regardless of how you feel about the Los Angeles (né San Diego) Chargers, I cannot imagine how punter Ty Long is feeling this morning after he missed two field goals, which, no doubt contributed to the team’s loss against the Detroit Lions yesterday. While we all fail from time to time, professional athletes’ mistakes are on display for tens of thousands of fans to view, making it even more challenging to brush it off and start over. How is it that these athletes are able to face their mistakes on a personal level, as well as the accompanying barrage of criticism, without giving up?
We all have inherited gifts and traits that help us to be accomplished in various disciplines. But sheer talent is not the only factor that leads to success. Perseverance and grit, or stamina, is actually a better indicator of high achievement than is IQ. Over the years, researchers have studied the characteristics and qualities of highly successful people, and most draw similar conclusions. Whether the case studies involved graduates of military academies, National Spelling Bee champions, or those who amassed great wealth, a common denominator is evident: those that are highly successful are typically not those that possess the highest IQ. Rather, high achievers are individuals who demonstrate perseverance and stamina over very long periods of time, never giving in to failures or setbacks, and always pushing through barriers and obstacles. Grit is not measured by persevering for a day, or a week, or a month, or a year, but it is the ability to maintain stamina (and direction) over the course of many, many years.
Psychologist Angela Duckworth (see her TED talk below) has studied this phenomenon quite extensively. Surveys she has administered reveal that not only do highly successful people work through struggles, they actually seek them out, challenging mind and body by pushing limits further and further.
Our Academic Decathlon students have an acronym for what GRIT means: G is for Growth Mindset, R is for Resilience, I is for Intrinsic motivation, and T is for Tenacity.
W
hile we cannot change our DNA, grit, which is not related to intelligence, can be taught and learned. To begin, it is necessary to adjust the way we speak about our children’s accomplishments. Using words like, “You are so smart,” or “I’m so proud that you got an A” does not foster grittiness. Instead, it is important to recognize effort and resilience: “I can see that you are really working hard on solving that problem/writing that paper.” Another way to grow perseverance is to help children realize failure is not a permanent condition. Share with them examples about times when you struggled/failed and how you grew from the challenge. If you have a child that does well in school, look for ways to challenge them. Oftentimes, children who typically get high marks shy away from challenges because they are fearful of failure.
Parents play an important role in whether or not children grow their grit, and many of today’s parents are actually hampering this development because they somehow believe the success of their children is a reflection on parenting skills. The best thing you can do is let your kids fail so they will learn to persevere. They will grow tremendously from it, and when they do eventually succeed, the accompanying joy will be all the more sweet.
