I turn 41 on Monday. That blows my mind. It sounds dramatic to say I never expected to live this long, but my life has had some pretty dramatic moments. A moment can be nothing...or it can define everything.
My father suffered a severe heart attack at 33 so every doctor I've ever seen has impressed the seriousness of the supraventricular tachycardia we share. It could be nothing my whole life, or define everything in one moment. Suffice to say, the first chapter of my life was characterized by moments of fear, of "what could happen next?".
The second chapter of my life was characterized by
moments of trauma (no need to recap all of that here). "What could happen next?" was still a scary question and I did everything in my power not to let my brain answer it. The third chapter of my life began with moments of joy in a new, accidental career and ended with a health scare.
Towards the end of June I had surgery to remove something in my body that could be nothing, or could define everything. I waited ten days for a pathology report (no cancer detected), then had to wait two more weeks to be able to sit up, unassisted. On July 25th, I went for my first (
halting, short) run and ended the following week with
20 easy miles. After two years of feeling broken, my body feels 95% normal, pain-free, and 98% functional. What I hadn't noticed was how much my spirit has healed, too.
Coach Sarah will be full-time with Fitness Protection after Labor Day, and I cannot WAIT. I'm so excited about this I'm practically glowing. My therapist asked me this week what I planned to do once I had a second set of full-time hands. I smiled and said, "less!". The instant those words came from my mouth, I realized how deeply I meant them.
You see, I was raised in a household with gigantic medical bills and constant fear of my mom losing the job that provided our family's health insurance. This low-lying anxiety fostered a sense of workaholism in me; it looked like insecurity in previous roles and looks a lot like 'passion' ever since I started coaching, but it's all connected by the same thread of fear: that if I do LESS then I will have LESS then I could LOSE EVERYTHING! I have worked seven days per week in every job I've ever had and on every vacation I've ever taken (save the year I went to Greenland). I never allowed myself to enjoy anything too much because I knew how quickly happiness and stability could disappear.
Workaholism was a coping mechanism, and it isn't working for me anymore. I'm no longer anxious when I'm not working. I'm anxious when I'm not with my family. I know how quickly this could all disappear, and I want my next chapter to be defined by moments with them I could not fully enjoy before.
Come September, I am going to take weekends off (Friday lunchtime through Sunday lunchtime, right before we start the
#AskAway livestream prep). I'm going to
enjoy my beautiful family, I'm going to play with my kids, I'm going to hug
my gorgeous husband, I'm going to put my phone in my office during family breakfast and dinnertime, and I'm going to relax, knowing that what we've been building over here will continue even if I need to take an unexpected afternoon (or week!) off.
I have an
amazing husband. I have an amazing
business partner. For the first time, "what could happen next?" is a thrilling prospect. Excitement, not fear, is calling the shots. GAME ON!
No matter where you are in your journey, no matter what is causing any anxiety or fear you are facing right now, I invite you to use my birthday as an excuse to take stock of what IS working in your life and free up some time to focus more on that. Happiness is an emotion not a destination, a brief moment in time. That moment could be nothing...or it could define everything. Let's make your happiness everything.
You are Coached. You are Loved. And you ARE #winningatlife
Coach MK
Click here
to download a pdf of Coach MK's 'night before' checklist to help make your running habit stick!