Dear Santa:

Forgive me, but I am a bit needy this year.

First of all, under the heading of Peace on Earth and Goodwill to Ev'body, I would appreciate it if the good people of these United States would remember how to talk with one another. And maybe (if it isn't too much to ask) listen as well.

I'd like you to send me the ability to enjoy the music that blares from cars stopped alongside me because you haven't answered my requests the last several years to make their speakers blow out.

I'd like California to publish an announcement that it was kidding about licensing, disclosure laws, consumer privacy laws and jury trials/forum selection. April fool!

If not, I would respectfully request that you make the state secede. I know some folks here in Alabama who would be happy to tell them how to do it on account a' they haven't ever been reconstructed, if you know what I mean.

I'd like the crooks who continue to plague my industry by cheating their customers to move to California just before the secession (unless they are already there); and they should get out of the business before they convince the feds to weigh in with neo-consumer protection legislation.

I'd like a couple of 26-hour days in December and patience when speaking with my family after an hour-long call with opposing counsel who hasn't ever been to the ELFA Legal Forum, read up on what equipment finance is all about, or otherwise become educated in our business but is certain that they (!) are (is?) correct in striking the hell-or-high water clause, the waiver of defenses, the waiver of implied warranties and inserting a lessor indemnity because...why not?

I'd like an alternative to using "they" and "them" when referring to a single person of indeterminate gender. (Santa, you probably know that "they" was the most researched dictionary term this year, beating out quid quo pro, insidious and emoluments clause).