With all the changes and uncertainty in our world right now, it is normal to feel a sense of worry or anxiety. Not only are our children's days disrupted and transformed, but your own work schedules and daily life are most likely going through a change of its' own. Having our family's normalcy disrupted can certainly feel jarring and at times overwhelming, however there are a few things you can do to help minimize anxiety during this uncertain time.
Below are a few specific ways to help children cope with the coronavirus or recent changes to their schedules:
Practice Gratitude
It can be very easy for our children to focus on all the negative things occurring right now. My Baseball games are cancelled. I don't get to see my friends. I don't get to attend STEM night. And the list goes on. While these feelings are completely valid, it can easily set our children up for a negative mindset. Practicing gratitude however, is an evidenced based way to improve mindset and positivity in the brain. Every morning at breakfast, consider having your child name 3 things they are grateful for to start the day. Or try a gratitude journal where they write it down and can refer back to this list over time. Doing exercises like these will help rewire the brain to shift from negative thinking to more positive thinking.
Routines
As you already know, children do better when they have structure and routine. When their worlds feel out of control, they tend to lean on what is familiar to them. Our teachers are doing an amazing job at trying to maintain normalcy with distance learning but there are a few things we can do at home to help support their routines. Maintaining normal bedtimes and wake times, keeping normal mealtime routines, and sticking to an overall rhythm of the day allows children to know what to expect and helps reduce anxiety. Personally, I have even had my own children pack their lunch boxes with their snacks each day so it really feels familiar when we have our "snack time". Whatever steps you can take at home to mimic their time at St. Francis will help keep the structure and familiarity that school provides.
Tackling our Children's "Worry Monster"
When I work with children, I often refer to a worry monster (taken from
this workbook
). The worry monster's job is to trick us by exaggerating and getting us to believe the worst possible thing will happen. The worry monster loves "what ifs". What if school is closed longer? What if someone I
know gets the virus? What if I get sick. But "what ifs" are just that-the possibility of something happening. We need to encourage our children to quiet their inner worry monster by challenging those thoughts and focusing on what we actually know right now. Help your child challenge those thoughts with rational, fact-based responses whenever you can. In addition, help your child catch themselves when they are playing the "what if" game and encourage them to focus on the present moment and what they CAN control. (*note* "worry monster" is an example and shouldn't be used without the guidance of the book or a professional).
Taking Care of Yourself
It is not uncommon to see an anxious or stressed student only to find a parent who feels the same way. That is because children are taking their cues from the adults in their lives. You are their gauge as to how to view what is happening. If you are constantly talking about the virus or you yourself are feeling overwhelmed, chances are that will trickle down to the child. While it is completely valid to feel anxious yourself, be mindful of what you are saying, or watching, in front of children. Limiting media exposure, eating healthy, sleeping enough, exercising, and practicing your own anxiety-busting techniques will model healthy coping for your child.
Practice Kindness
While it may seem unfair that our child might be stuck at his or her house all day, imagine how difficult it might be for some of the vulnerable or elderly in our community. Talk with your child about what they might be able to do for someone they know. Can you make a card for a grandparent? Drop off cookies for a neighbor? Facetime a family member? Encouraging them to see outside themselves, giving back, and doing altruistic acts will in-turn help them feel better.
Finally, there is a plethora of resources should your child need them. Books, child podcasts, and apps can all be used to combat anxiety (below are some ideas). And of course, prayer! We are fortunate to be a part of an amazing Catholic community and prayer can serve as another wonderful aide for children.
Resources
Should you or your child need additional help
during this time, please visit the counseling page on our website for more information.
Sincerely,
Kelli McCarty, LMFT
Part-time School Counselor
St. Francis of Assisi Catholic School
(714) 660-952745
