Listening to Understand

Have you been in a conversation where it seems like the other person only talks about themselves?

Have you been in a conversation and someone says something that sparks a memory, and you hold on to that thought until they're done speaking, because you can't wait to share it?

Have you noticed a time when you were venting about something and someone else felt it necessary to tell their story of a similar situation?

These are all situations of people listening to respond, and if you've said yes to any of these questions, you'll appreciate this Thrive in Five focused on listening to understand.

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My Listening Skills

How good are you at listening?

Use the self-assessment from MindTools in the link below to learn what your listening proficiency is. The assessment will give you an overall score, but also breaks it down into different sections so you know which areas to focus on for personal growth.

The Judgement-Free Zone

First, there are SO MANY good Ted Talks on listening, it was incredibly hard to pick one. William Ury has a great one called "The Power of Listening" that came in a close second to Ronnie Poleneczky's video below. If you have the time, we HIGHLY recommend checking it out.

Ronnie Poleneczky, a Philadelphia Daily News journalist, received an angry voice message from a reader about her published story, and she decided to return the phone call to tell the caller how wrong she was in the voice message, only to find herself in an epiphany about how to be a good listener. In other words, within the moments of the reader cursing her out on the phone, the seasoned journalist discovered the mental transformation from listening to respond to listening to understand.

The phone call inspired her to do research on "how to be a good listener" and aside from finding the usual tips, such as keep eye contact and don't interrupt, she discovered multiple stories of people who were adored such as teachers, managers and neighborhood mother figures. The one thing they all had in common, no matter their role or where they were from, was that they all listened without the need to make a judgement or to be right. They listened to understand by asking questions about how the speaker felt and why they felt that way rather than responding with their own thoughts and ideas.

Watch her whole talk below to absorb all her wisdom from her

research on listening.

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Learn How Evans Thrives!

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Meet Nicole Anderson!

One of my recent favorite quotes is “Listening is about being present, not just being quiet” by the wonderful Krista Tripett. It resonates with me, because people have told me in feedback sessions they thought I was a “good listener,” but the truth is, listening was not an easy or natural thing for me. More likely the case was that, when people see an introvert, appearing quieter in some situations, people assume they are a good listener. That couldn’t be further from the truth! Listening is a skill that requires being present. That means:

With anything, listening skills take a lot of practice. I find my best practice comes when I’m with my 17 month old. There’s no better place to practice being present than when in the middle of a tickle war or crawling through the latest fort made from boxes.

So, if you find yourself struggling to listen for understanding, find simple ways to be present throughout the day… to pause and to enjoy the moment of now. I promise, it will help you hone your listening skills!

Until Next Time...

The Evans Thrive Team

(Nicole, Kaitlin, Laura, Bob, and Sean)

    (This image was adapted from a commonly shared internet image.)  

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