|
From The Positive Perspective.......
Step 1: Define the topic that you are trying to compromise on. For example, deciding on how to set a boundary around an expectation with someone else.
Step 2: Allow each person involved in the decision to speak his/her mind on their approach to resolving the issue and reasoning for needing what they need. For example, resolving the building of a boundary around child-care duties in the home. Each individual has a different idea of how that should be handled. If you were in this situation, would you take the time to listen to the other person and understand their reasoning for what they need or want? Understanding the other person's motivations for something is crucial to coming to a compromise in any situation. Does the person simply want to control? Is the other person missing something in their life that they truly need? Understanding the motivation truly means understanding the other person.
Step 3: Once understanding has been achieved, allow each person to make a suggestion on a compromise between the two needs. For example, if both parents feel rushed in taking care of their child at certain points during the day, who feels more rushed in the morning? At bedtime? In the afternoon? A compromise could be that one parent takes care of the morning routine while the other takes care of the evening routine; or the parents define each of the responsibilities involved in the morning routine and evening routine and they split the duties; or one parent agrees to get up 30 minutes earlier in order to not feel rushed in the morning while the other parent agrees to stay up 30 minutes later in order to finish up responsibilities in the evening; or both parents reprioritize what needs to be done at those "rushed" times and they decide together who needs to be responsible for what on a daily basis.
Step 4: Put the compromise into action for a certain period of time that is decided by both.
Step 5: Evaluate the compromise at a set time after the changes have gone into effect. In my observation, this very important step is usually not performed in many compromises made. Evaluating the change allows both parties to have input regarding whether the compromise is working, to what degree, and gives you the opportunity to make any adjustments to the compromise that might be needed or to create a new compromise as well.
Step 6: Put any changes into effect that need to take place and set a time to reevaluate. Know that you have discussed and made these changes together, which means that you either succeeded together or failed together. Either way, you made this decision together so it should not come up in a later argument as being one person's "fault".
Compromising benefits a relationship in so many ways. It allows you to develop a sense of collaboration and master that ability to work together with others to get through situations that affect both of you. It reduces the ammunition for arguing. It also creates a sense of accomplishment for all involved.
Good luck with your new compromising skill and may you have a happy and healthy 2015.
Thank you for your interest in my monthly newsletter and for looking at the topic of compromising ......
From The Positive Perspective.
Stay well.
Please "LIKE" my Facebook Page by clicking below:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Maryellen-Dabal-at-Southlake-Counseling-NC/299454466770591
| 
