What to Do When Senior Caregiving Leads to Family Disagreements
Let’s face it, caregiving is hard. While rewarding, it is often a thankless job. It becomes even more difficult when family members disagree about how the caregiving should be done. So what can we do about this? Below are some ideas and resources that may be helpful.
Four Tips for Asking for Help
1. Before you ask for help, know what type of help you want. Once you know that answer, don’t be afraid to let others know what help you need. Don’t assume others know the answer.
2. Stop the cycle of guilt and anger. Try to avoid making others feel guilty for not helping. It’s tempting because you’re probably feeling angry and resentful. To avoid further conflict, be mindful of your tone and body language. If you’re angry when you make your request, the people you are asking to help will likely be put off even if the words you use are polite. Asking with a pleasant tone works much better than asking angrily. Like the saying goes, “you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
3. Be specific in your request. For example, don’t say “I need help with Mom on Saturday.” Instead say, “I need you at the house at 9:30 a.m. so I can go to my doctor’s appointment and then run errands. I will be back at 2:30 p.m."
4. Get professional help from outside the family. Caring for parents is an emotional and stressful time and families have long, complicated histories. That combination can make communicating difficult because it’s easy for everyone involved to overreact, misinterpret or rehash old fights. If family discussions keep turning into fights and decisions aren’t being made, consider getting a professional to help. Professionals such as family therapists, social workers, faith leaders or mediators can help families work through tough situations. Sometimes it takes an unbiased outside party to resolve conflicts, focus conversations on the present and find solutions that everyone can accept.
