Grief Upon Grief Upon Grief – Is it Time for A Pause?
Dear EricsHouse Community:
These are crazy times we live in. And for those of us grieving someone we love; the grief just seems to pile up. I have plenty of time now to think about my son Eric, to think about what life would be like if he were alive, to visualize what his children would look like, to have our family all together again.
To be honest, my mind has gone to some not-so-productive places. Not because I have too much time on my hands (we are busily working on creating new on-line programs), but because I am worried. I worry about my family and friends, I worry about our financial future, I worry about our clients and friends of EricsHouse, I worry about all those who’ve lost someone to this pandemic, I worry about the United States, I worry about the world. There, I said it. I am worried about everything – I have been in the throes of anticipatory grief!
At first, I was in denial about the virus but soon realized that since I have an immuno-compromised family member in my home, I had better take it seriously. Once I accepted that this pandemic is really happening, I realized that I have to figure out how to proceed amongst the confusion and chaos. I realized then that I had already survived the worst – losing a child. After that, the inconveniences that we are experiencing now pale in comparison to the suicide loss of my son.
Traumatic loss can be a reset – bringing us back to our core values, giving us perspective on the noise that consumes our lives in ‘normal’ times.
I am increasingly aware of my blessings. First, the team at EricsHouse is so dedicated to our loss survivors that everyone is working hard to continue to support our community. Second, we’ve all heard the saying “necessity is the mother of invention”. We are re-imagining how we can help each other while in lockdown and this is creating exciting new opportunities to help those in grief. And third, I love being locked up with my family and I love the new relationships that are being developed as a result of technology.
We can do this, we can wash our hands, we can practice social distancing, we can learn how to use ZOOM, we can have our groceries delivered, we can try new recipes, we can do our own nails, we can practice meditation and prayer, we can have compassion and love for others, we can be kind to ourselves, we can pray for Mother Earth and we can ask God for daily blessings. As my teacher and mentor, Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Director of the Center for Loss and Transition, would say in his article “The Coronavirus and The Six Needs of Mourning”, this pandemic has changed the world, and we are changed with it.
Grief is transformative, but it also unifies us in curious and amazing ways. There are so many ways in which we can grow in the coming weeks. Please drop me a line at
marianne@ericshouse.org
to share your experiences with us. I encourage you to read Dr. Wolfelt’s complete article which you can find by clicking
here
.
Writing with Gratitude and From My Heart to Yours,
Marianne Gouveia
Founder, EricsHouse Inc.
